We’ve heard all the reports of prisoners getting totally sweet perks like cable television, satellite, game consoles and other luxuries that a lot people not in jail normally can’t afford to have. If you’re one of those people that feels righteous indignation about those events, hold onto your hat. There is a plan by the Scottish prison system to raise “literacy” and “numeracy” skills among its prison population by giving the inmates access to Nintendo DS systems. DUM DUM DUM.
The program would be tested in a small number of prison libraries and would involve literacy experts working with the prisoners. Prison officials note that inmates already have access to PlayStations, so going with the DS is seen as consistent and, perhaps, an improvement.
The devices, fitted with “brain training” software, will be put on trial on the advice of Scottish government officials who believe they will reduce the chances of the prisoners reoffending after they have served their sentences by improving their employment prospects. A government study into the education of prisoners, Learning in Custody: Report of the Offender Learning in Custody Workstream, concluded that convicts would benefit from the devices, which are currently being used in many primary schools to raise attainment.
However, not everyone is hunkey dorey with this plan. A Scottish group representing taxpayers calls the plan “ridiculous,” given that many Sottish citizens can’t even afford DSes for their kids in this current economic climate. If they stopped serving haggis, they might get somewhere, though.
A word to the wise: do not screw around with a Walmart loss prevention officer. They know exactly where to look for the goods.
For those that don’t know, shoplifting is essentially just textbook How-to-Lay-Low (Note: SeriouslyGuys does not condone or encourage the cool crime of shoplifting), and the perpetrator’s actions should be just a shade less subtle than what the Duke boys usually did after getting sprung from the Hazzard County Jail.
The accused, Daniel Larson has a heroin habit, and tried to rip off about $120 worth of DS games from the mammoth corporation known as Walmart because Scribblenauts and Just Imagine: Babies have high resell values on the China White market. Theoretically. He might have been able to get out of the county jail using a fake ID (true story according to the article), but to get past a Walmart loss prevention officer? Nosirreebob.
A note: being the most wanted fugitive and getting arrested in a Walmart over what’s in your pants is pretty lame.
Because she’s a cool mom, Jody Wykle, of Lake Wales, Fla., gave her son Guitar Hero: On Tour even though he didn’t have a DS, just so she could make the guy squirm while she played clueless. Then, surprise! She handed over the DS – a sealed box, mind you – and when he opened it, things got unintentionally a lot worse.
“When he opened it, he was like, ‘A box of rocks?‘” Wykle told WTSP-TV. “He said, ‘Mom, that ain’t a joke.'”
Indeedy not, especially for a $138 handheld. She went back to Walmart, which gave her the not-our-problem treatment – until Jody called in the media, at which point it very much became their problem. They promptly refunded the DS and shelled out a gift card. Before getting the refund, Wykle bought a second DS, just so her son could have a proper birthday present. “I made them open it while I was there to make sure there was a DS in it,” she told WTSP.
Here’s the kicker: Seems that box of rocks had been returned before. WONK WONK WONK.
Rampant PSP fanboyism can totally be seen in households.
A mother in Indiana is currently kicking up a stink after discovering an alleged religious vaguely Islamic secret terrorist gibberish gobbledygook message in the Nintendo DS game Baby Pals. Purchased for her 8-year-old daughter, the game speaks a phrase of gibberish that sounds kind of like “Islam is the light.” CONTROVERSY ENSUES.
This would be hilarious if the woman’s history wasn’t so pathetic patriotic. Rachel Jones discovered the offending utterance first in the Fisher-Price’s Little Mommy Cuddle ‘n Coo doll, then later coincidentally in a copy of Baby Pals she had purchased for her daughter. Meaning that Crave and Nintendo are nothing but secret terrorists. Clearly.
Fun Fact: Baby Pals came out in October 2007, a year before the row about the doll.
“Not just my daughters’ toys, but we have a son too,” Jones told Terre Haute’s WTHI News 10. “Now I feel like I need to listen to all of his little toys to make sure they’re not saying it.”
Fun Fact: The ability of fake babies to exert absolute influence on real children through nonsensical endorsements of religion is well-known. And it’s science. American science.
No word was given on whether the word “light” used in the phrase was meant as “light” or “Lite”.