Tag: ducks

War pauses for no one

Though SG was off last week, the War of Animals did not take a single day off, we believe this is mostly because there was no cease fire agreed to by officials on either side. So, in an effort to keep from shirking out duties, here’s what happened while we were away:

Hundreds of ducks turned up dead in Alberta, Canada. The traitorous Canadian government is actually angry about this, and is investigating an oil company in connection with this masterstroke blow to the nation’s waterfowl population.

The birds apparently landed on a pond that had toxic waste in it. Only five of the ducks were saved. This is good news, but this blog cannot rule out that these ducks now have super powers. Continue reading War pauses for no one

Only war during hunting season?

Fowl appear to be out to foul up the federal government, which has run them afoul of this blog. (Too much?) First, we find that turkeys, be they jive or of some other condition, are attacking our letter carriers for no established reason.

Now, ducks are attempting to clog up our legal system with frivolous court orders. On Long Island, New York, an alert citizen, most likely a reader of this blog, shot his neighbor’s pet duck with a pellet gun. He wounded the animal and probably taught it a lesson it won’t soon forget. However justified the man’s actions were, the duck convinced a court that not only was the man at fault, but the duck was in imminent danger and needed an order of protection.

The Guys are supportive of the man and are appalled that birds of any feather can be treated with so favorably when all they seek is the destruction of our government. Activist judges are species traitors.

What rhymes with ‘luck?’

Animals hate everything we stand for–it’s no secret. But it is becoming clearer lately that not only are they so hateful of us that they are willing to engage in the more traditional, aggressive attacks, but also passive-aggressive ones. Pets are a method of draining the average human of their monetary resources. Now, it seems they are willing to try the same tactics on our government.

A pet duck in Rhode Island was born with a neurological disorder that keeps it from walking. In any other country, that would make the pet duck a pet lunch, but here in America, the quacker is taking Uncle Sam for a ride, getting a scooter to help assist in its walking. This blog can only assume it was paid for by Medicare.

Let’s keep in mind that this duck does not hold a job, nor does it pay taxes. In fact, this blog is willing to bet the duck comes from generations of tax- (and axe-) dodging ducks. Yet our tax dollars are paying to keep this duck alive and comfortable.