Dumpster fire city cools off in dumpster pools

We’ve all seen It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and encountered Philly sports fans, but we always assumed that those are just over-dramatic representations of an otherwise normal city, right? We thought so, too, until the mayor’s office issued a notice for its citizens to stop swimming in dumpsters.

Filthy-delphians, cooling off in the classiest way they know.
Filthy-delphians, cooling off in the classiest way they know.

The warning explains the hazards of illegally tapping fire hydrants in great detail, including:

  1. Using up water that’s meant for putting out fires.
  2. The high pressure of water pushing drunk assh*les into traffic.
  3. Destroying the water utilities — potentially cutting water off to entire neighborhoods.

But, while the city government is — direct quote — “not screwing around, Philly,” they failed to address that people are swimming in garbage receptacles. Basically, Philadelphia is acknowledging that, OK, their fellow citizens are garbage who swim in filth, but that garbage needs to stop risking the water supply or using up parking spaces.