Alaska capital goes dark after dastardly animal attack

The residents of Juneau, Alaska, are good, hard-working Americans. Certain politicians would probably even call them “real Americans.” And on Monday, there was a terrorist attack on their grid.

Authorities say that an eagle dropped a foot-long piece of metal on a power line, which caused an outage for the good people of Juneau. For well over 40 minutes these folks had to endure life without electricity. All because of an attack on our infrastructure by the animals.

Symbol of America or not, it is well past time that we finished off the bald eagles once and for all.

Ah, the first bird of spring!

You can tell it’s spring in most of the country, we seem to be in the midst of a rash of stories about the War on Animals. Truthfully, it still sucks like winter for most of us on the East Coast, but hopefully that is only serving to kill off Punxsutawney Phil and his compatriots.

A truck driver nobly tried to kill an eagle with his vehicle this week, but the enemy was hardier than he imagined. Matthew Roberto Gonzalez of Florida was driving in Nevada when he spotted the target. The eagle crashed through the windshield of the truck and survived more or less unscathed. It then proceeded to criticize Gonzalez’s driving and choice of music.

Nice try, Gonzalez, next time hit ’em with your grill.