"I died to erase your search history."
“I died to erase your search history.”

Another Easter is over, and how did many of its most vocal adherents spend it? By switching to Bing.

While the date of Easter shifts around thanks to the miracle of modern calendaring, March 31st is also Cesar Chavez Day, a holiday commemorating the birthday of the Mexican-American farmer, union organizer and civil rights leader. So, when Google changed its Doodle to honor Chavez instead of Jesus’ big comeback, you can expect the reaction was less than measured from the Right.

The Google Doodle has already been the bane of the Fox Nation after failing to observe only the days they want it to, like Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Flag Day and the anniversaries of D-Day and the attack on Pearl Harbor. And while Google has gotten away with not doing an Easter Doodle since 2000, the tech giant brought all the fury down on themselves by honoring some socialist who taught the poor how to take care of themselves instead.

On a personal note: The Guys are also offended, but only because Google honored Cesar Chavez and not Cesar Romero, the guy who played the Joker on the 1960’s Batman TV series. But, we’re not, like, reduce-the-quality-of-our-Internet-searches-mad about it.

Your battery died for your sins

It’s Ash Wednesday, all you Catholics out there. We know you’re excited. Are you ready to give something up for Lent? Did you forget it was Lent in the first place? It happens.

Bishops in England have a suggestion for what you should give up: your iPod. Instead of forgoing chocolate, soda or something along those lines, why don’t you give up something that will help save the environment? Give up some piece of technology (that you’re addicted to anyway), reduce your power consumption, do something to be greener.

We’d just like to say: please don’t give up your computer. We’d miss you.

Snakes in a bag

The Easter holiday travel time might be over finally, but now we are left to clean up the mess left by attacks on our high holy holiday. Unlike humans, animals are soulless and do not believe in God. This is proven by their attempts to thwart Easter in the name of their ungodly cause.

A man outside of Washington, a current hotbed of animal activity, was attacked by a snake that got into his luggage somehow. The man, a rowing coach, had been in South Carolina and reached into his luggage after returning home. There he was bitten by a rattlesnake. Firefighters were the first to arrive on scene.

“‘We took the bag outside and used a [carbon dioxide] fire extinguisher to freeze the snake,’ killing it, Barksdale said.”

Truly, our country’s bravest.

THIS is how you kill Jesus

British television viewers are upset about The Passion, a lavish new series about the rollicking life and times of Jesus Christ. What has them so … crossed?

SPOILER ALERT: The TV Romans nail Jesus to the cross in a fetal position, not in the traditional Creed-rockin’ out pose.

According to The Daily Mail article, the BBC “is being accused of ignoring evidence in the Bible and gratuitously offending Christians who cherish the image” of Jesus dying horribly.

As we approach Easter, let’s remember how we do and don’t scourge lords and saviors. No need for any embarrassing mishaps, eh?