SG Explains: The economic crisis

You may have heard recently about some hubbub with the economy and stocks and stuff. Recently, Warren “Jimmy” Buffett called the current crisis an “economic Pearl Harbor.” While this may not make sense to some of our readers, we are here to explain.

Let’s use Buffett’s analogy.

It’s the morning of December 7, 1941. The U.S., still reeling from the Great Depression, has not entered World War II, thanks mostly to isolationist policies. In come Japanese fighter and torpedo planes. Suddenly the U.S. is caught off guard and war begins a new era of the 20th century.

But first we need to back up. Let’s say the U.S. credit and loan debt is the Japanese Empire. For years prior to the war, the U.S. debt was building up its forces, offering really good deals and raping Nanking. We knew about it but chose to turn a blind eye to it, hoping the problem would resolve itself.

Hit the jump for the sneak attack. Continue reading SG Explains: The economic crisis

Child care expendible in England

The downfall of the U.S. economy is not only being felt here at home, it is being felt abroad as well. Yes, it is a sign of the times when wealthy British people are tightening their belts and letting go of their nannies.

This truly is sad news. How will our their nation’s wealthy care for their children when they are too busy working to continue their ridiculously wealthy lifestyle? Are they going to be forced to quit their jobs and raise their own children? Or even worse, send their children to day care with middle class children?

Let us remind you why this is bad for Americans. If British nannies cannot find work in their own country, they will come to the U.S., legally or not, and start raising our nation’s wealthy children to speak with accents, enjoy games like rugby and polo, and enjoy Earl Grey tea. Worst of all, they’ll be bringing with them their limey families and having anchor babies here so they won’t get deported. They won’t even speak our language! And slowly, they will sap our welfare system dry.

Watch the skies. There could be flying umbrellas westbound over the Atlantic already.

In Homer We Trust

From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: Sure, the Euro may be kicking the U.S. dollar’s proverbial ass these days, but at least we can stick our country’s heroes on their coins.

In Spain, a shopkeeper was emptying out a cash register when he found not the image of King Juan Carlos I, but that of Homer Simpson, best down for his love of beer and “los doughnuts.”

Upon hearing the news, the King promptly told Simpson to “shut up.” (HAR! A foreign policy joke! Take THAT, Hugo Chavez!)

The War on Toddlers

Whales are more of a nuisance than anything. They keep beaching themselves or dying of shock from the U.S. Navy’s submarine sonar. But now they are being compared to toddlers.

Yes, toddlers, those freeloading brats. They are poor with language skills, manners, personal hygiene and they are needy–just like whales. And like toddlers, whales are doing exactly what they are not supposed to do: swim toward a big ship after it makes sounds trying to shoo the pesky whales away.

Don’t get us wrong, we are happy to see whales willing to off themselves for our cause, but they are the kamikazes of the ocean. Each sliced up whale results in damage to the ship, which means the cargo is slowed, which means you cannot buy it as rapidly, which slows the economy, ultimately costing you your job.

How To: Survive a recession

Economic wonks will tell you that a recession is two consecutive quarters of economic downturn, which technically, we haven’t had (at least until the reports are in in a few weeks). But we all know times are hard, and that is something we do not need to wait for. You are tired of paying so much for gas, you are tired of being jerked around by bill collectors and you are tired because you did not sleep very well after you got home from your third job.

Because of this, and our ongoing coverage telling you how to escape economic hardship, The Guys present how to survive a recession. Continue reading How To: Survive a recession

How To: Survive rising gas prices

Unless you have been living under a rather large stone as of late (if you have, how are you reading this, much less keeping the stone’s crushing weight off of you?) you know all too well the toll filling up your gas tank can have on your wallet. While following our advice on how to manage your money is undoubtedly saving you thousands per year, it still hurts to gas up. That’s why The Guys are here to tell you how to survive rising gas prices. Continue reading How To: Survive rising gas prices