Tagged: eggs

| Filed under You Missed It

You Missed It: Nurse Molly edition

Side effects include excessive accessorizing.Last week my wife and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the first time ever. Technically, that makes us grownups. The thing is, I don’t think you ever really feel like an adult, you just do things you want or have to do, and without realizing it you make yourself into a decent member of society. A great example is the turkey I cooked. I had no idea what I was doing. I just googled things on how to thaw, brine and cook a turkey, and sort of did it on my own. It came out great, which means I’m a turkey expert now, only I don’t feel like it. If you were busy being named the National Mall’s first black Santa Claus this week, odds are you missed it.

Operation Rollin’ Thunder
This week, the Food and Drug Administration approved new trials for testing MDMA, the 90s and early 00s party drug better known as ecstasy, to treat veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder. Test subjects so far have reported generally positive results, although they have requested that the Department of Veterans’ Affairs hotline hold music have more EDM in the mix.

Study: Your grandparents were right
A new study has found that the old adage “never go to bed angry” may be good advice after all. Scientists found that subjects were less likely to think back on something negative, like an argument, if they resolved the issue and had a solid night’s sleep. Those who didn’t resolve the issue tended not to sleep as well and were more likely to have memories of the issue associated with anger. The scientists’ wives remain unconvinced.

Secret to long life is breakfast at every meal
The oldest person in the world, Italy’s Emma Morano, celebrated her 117th birthday this week. She attributed her longevity to her diet of biscuits and raw eggs, which she has been eating for 90 years. So if you don’t want to end up like her, avoid those foods.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

Dinosaur fans better sit down for this news

Thanks to science's need to document every facet of dinosaur life, it's almost impossible to take giant killer lizards seriously these days.
Thanks to science’s need to document every facet of dinosaur life, it’s almost impossible to take giant killer lizards seriously these days.

Science continues its long march toward ruining dinosaurs. First, they gave T. rexes and velociraptors. And now, scientists believe that at least some species of dinosaurs sat on their nests like birds.

To reach this theory, University of Calgary dinosaur researcher Darla Zelenitsky and Montana State University paleontologist David Varricchio compared Troodon eggs to those of modern animals. The density patterns in the small carnivore’s shells closely match the eggs of the plover, a bird that partially buries its eggs in sand and sits on them to keep the tops warm and bore the hell out of people who came to see dinosaurs fight in front of volcanoes, and not over the same moldy heel of Sunbeam bread.

The scientists still aren’t sure whether dinosaurs only pooped on recently washed cars and statues.

| Filed under Booze News, Economic cliches for $1000, Alex, War on Animals

It’s worse than we thought

I hope you’re sitting down. I’ve got some very bad news.

No, I’m talking about a man attempting to create government funded dinosaurs by fusing chickens with ancient DNA and thus destroy us all. Nor am I talking about how science has managed to create the scariest looking monkeys of all time.

Yet still am I not talking about how the Department of Veterans Affairs managed to “accidentally” diagnose over eighteen hundred veterans with Lou Gehrig’s disease. Whoopsidoodle!

What I am talking about is the potential latest victim of the economic crisis: beer.

It appears that due to low sales volumes across the world, brewers are going to be raising prices. Anheuser-Busch InBev has already announced that they’ll be increasing the cost of alcohol pure sip come this fall. But it doesn’t with just the crappy beer produced by them. MillerCoors and Heineken will be raising their prices as well, though MillerCoors states that this is “part of the company’s regular fall increases.”

So, what does this mean for you, faithful reader? Not a lot of good. Despite the hurricane/tornado/storm speculator mentality that this will sound like, I can wholeheartedly recommend rushing out and buying up beer at the price it is now, if it hasn’t been raised. I’m already hurt by the decisions. It’s hard enough for me to find Sam Adam’s Summer Ale (my personal favorite) as it is right now, since the season is essentially over for it-but to pay more for it? Talk about paying painfully for pleasure.