Tag: Eliot Spitzer

Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Hey, Sarah.

Look, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. You wanted to be vice president, and I wanted an Earth where there’s no country ass-backwards enough to let that happen. Tomato/tobacco, right?

I’m not writing this to discuss the last election. Bygones are bygones … Well, except you’re not bygone, bygod, now are you? In fact, it seems like you want to be President in 2012 if your non-Alaskan activities are to be interpreted correctly.

This would be a huge mistake. You see, I’ve learned some things about you from last year that you appear to have not. Please, let me rectify this oversight in hopes that you might become a peaceful, and maybe better, person. Continue reading Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

You Missed It: Break out the champagne edition

Welcome to the final You Missed it of 2008. (Normally abbreviated as YMI, but also known as TMI to iPhone users.) If you are expecting a grand review of 2008: The Year That Was–Numerically Inevitable After 2007, then you will get your wish. Technically, it’s only covering April on, since that is when this feature started, but nevertheless, let’s take a look back on the stories that would have changed your world if you had read this the first time around.

If you were busy getting engaged while still a suspect in your current wife’s disappearance, odds are you missed it.

FLAME ON! And off … and on again
The 2008 Beijing Olympics was one of the most overarching themes of the year. Things got off to a great start when human rights protesters in cities around the world caused the Olympic torch run to be done in secret in some places and extinguished temporarily several dozen times. Then it was the concern over pollution in the city, so China shut down all of its factories in the area for a few months, driving up the prices in just about everything for the summer.

As the games went on, we learned that the Olympic Village is basically a huge orgy, due to the fact that everyone is really fit and exercise raises hormone levels. Michael Phelps swam his way to eight gold medals and other athletes–uh oh, I said the M-P words. I can’t resist, must chant! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Continue reading You Missed It: Break out the champagne edition

Spitzer hooker comes clean

(What? Why are you snickering?)

Just when no one could give a damn about Ashley Alexandre Dupre, the call girl who was linked to former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s downfall, she’s decided to try the next oldest profession: media attention whoring.

Just when Silda Wall Spitzer might have moved on, Dupre’s centerstage again, apologizing through newspapers, Diane Sawyer and anyone else who wants to hear about her music, fashion and — this just in — upcoming books.

She stressed in the Diane Sawyer interview that she will never delve into prositution again, and then followed that up with more details about her “strictly business” sex with Spitzer, including that he didn’t want to talk and that he used a condom when having sex with a whore.

Silda is apparently unavailable for comment as she hasn’t publicly expressed her relief at the release of these details and Dupre’s new fall fashion line.

Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand

The earlier you start posing online, the sooner you will be worth millions naked!Hey, kidz! After seeing Miley Cyrus’ risqué photo-shoot, you may be asking yourself, “How do I get in on that action?” First of all, shame on you for talking like a bookie: you were raised better than that. Second, you can’t expect to make millions of dollars on your first foray into child pornography fame and fortune, you silly-billy.

You see, the economy (that’s a grown-up word for “managing more money than your dad makes”) is based on supply and demand. This basically means that if there’s a lot of something that’s given away for cheap or free, then it is worth little money. But if there’s only a little of something and everybody wants/needs it, then it is worth a crapload of money. Continue reading Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand

Spitzer-gate: Worldwide edition

Everyone sitting down? Good.

Now, you’re probably going to be shocked to hear this, but a prominent public official trusted with the strict enforcement of the law and “moralizing” of the people has been caught patronizing several highly-paid prostitutes. Of course, I’m talking about the police chief of Tehran, Iran, but you know, it’s the same difference and junk!

Oh yeah … and that other guy did some stuff too.

Take it from Snee: Read the context, dummy

So I was scanning the Drudge Report for today’s posts, which is the only place where SeriouslyGuys writes itself without worrying about stealing Fark headlines. While there, I found an irresistible potential scandal to cover:

Source: Drudge Report, Mar 12, 2008

My pulse quickened a little, especially since it fell under the Eliot “Whoremonger” Spitzer story, which has already been covered to death. I thought, “Awesome, here’s a chance to use some leftover Michael Richards/Mark Fuhrman jokes!”

Then I opened the article. Its headline is “Angry Kilpatrick attacks foes, media.” Matt Drudge felt it was important to add “; uses n-word.”

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Read the context, dummy