It’s a workplace distraction at the very least

Those prudes in HR can't get on your case if it's Taco Tuesday.
With either meaning, those prudes in HR can’t get on your case if it’s Taco Tuesday.

New research indicates that eating out hurts work productivity, but there’s no word if it helps foster more giving workplace relationships. Still, we’re not sure how to initiate the act in the office without risking an appointment with HR …

Oh … never mind. They mean leaving the office to eat lunch.

Scientists at Humboldt University found that workers who go out and eat lunch with a friend switch off the necessary tools for “cognitive control and error monitoring,” meaning that they came back to the office relaxed and gave not one s**t about the work they left behind.

But, to reiterate: they did not study the effects of cunnilingus in the workplace. They did, however, recommend eating at your desk, so interpret that as you will.

Take it from Snee: 10 reasons you’re unemployed

We’re officially halfway through December, which means one thing: retrospective. In only two weeks, a new year will dawn, and with it comes dreams of a better tomorrow to make up for this past suckfest.

And if there’s one word to describe why 2010 sucked with extreme gusto, it’s unemployment.

2010 was the year of the job hunt and many are either still searching or settled for positions below human decency, like marketing. But it’s not their fault, right? It’s a tough job market, and they joined LinkedIn and pushed resumes like counterfeit bills in a sex mall.

Wrong. According to LinkedIn, there are 10 very specific reasons why you’re still un- or under-employed. Continue reading Take it from Snee: 10 reasons you’re unemployed

Take it from Snee: Quit your job

Before I get started, I just want to wish everyone a happy National Grammar Day! If you are inclined to comment on the following article, please observe this holiest of days in the comments section by posting a coherent response. All failures to do so will be ridiculed to the point of suicide.

So I was waiting for a haircut when I witness this scene:

MAN walks into the shop.

MAN: Excuse me, when’s Shakira* working next?

HAIRCUTTER: I honestly have no idea. She hasn’t shown up for work that past two days.

MAN: Ah. OK.

*This name was changed to protect my failing memory.

I’d already heard of people quitting their jobs by just not showing up anymore. I always knew it said very little about that person’s intestinal fortitude, but that was their problem that they could ignore, hoping it goes away.

But, when I consider the problems our country faces these days, I couldn’t shake it off this time. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Quit your job

How To: Survive a recession

Economic wonks will tell you that a recession is two consecutive quarters of economic downturn, which technically, we haven’t had (at least until the reports are in in a few weeks). But we all know times are hard, and that is something we do not need to wait for. You are tired of paying so much for gas, you are tired of being jerked around by bill collectors and you are tired because you did not sleep very well after you got home from your third job.

Because of this, and our ongoing coverage telling you how to escape economic hardship, The Guys present how to survive a recession. Continue reading How To: Survive a recession

Tattoo discrimination? In the U.S.?!

Who would think that having large exposed tattoos could still cost gainful employment in the United States? Apparently not people with said large exposed tattoos.

“I think in some ways, it’s a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ understanding,” said 37-year-old Dave Kimelberg when asked how rough he has it as a high-paid, secretly-tattooed attorney.

According to professional tattooed lady, Sara Champion, she had to find a new job because she didn’t want to cover up her needle-scribblings at work. She left, causing her former coworkers to miss out on “six large tattoos on her arms and back,” including:

  • “a brightly colored sunflower.”
  • “a marigold.”
  • “a rendition of a Dia de los Muertos bride and groom on her upper left arm.” (Wha–?)

Fortunately, she found another job where she’s allowed to be as big of an attention whore as she wants to be.* After all, tattoos are a lifestyle, not a choice.

*Unfortunately, it’s in Danbury, Connecticut.

Update (11/26/2008):
Thanks to all of your thoughtful comments, I have changed my mind about tattoos. You really made me think long and hard about myself and people’s preconceptions, so I’ve written more about our (yes, our) plight.

(It’s a long post about Thanksgiving, so feel free to skip all the way to the end.)

Final Update (4/4/2009):
Obviously people are going to continue stumbling across this article through Google search or however else they look to get outraged online. For all intents and purposes, I’m considering the Tattoo Discrimination Challenge a disappointment, but will keep it open for the day someone pours their energy into thoughtful work instead of petty complaints.

Take it from Snee: Sexually-active workers need not apply

A couple of weeks ago, I addressed how woefully inaccurate my predictions turned out for 2008. I have two responses for that:

  1. Shut up. You try predicting the future. It’s really, really hard.
  2. My vision was tainted by proximity. Predicting 2008 was like trying to read with my nose against the page.

So that is why I am continuing my series of 2028 news predictions. In twenty years, my clairvoyance will be so recognized that Suri Cruise will beg to be the new me. (By then, Scientology will be the equivalent of today’s Mormons.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Sexually-active workers need not apply