Tagged: england

| Filed under Booze News

We live in a world where transgender beer exists

The LGBT community has achieved a lot in recent years, thanks to a lot of hard work. And now, they can enjoy their own beer after all their hard work.

Oddball Scottish brewery BrewDog has partnered with the organizers of a British LGBT event that is the world’s first transgender beer. The beer, No Label, won’t chang you or anything, but it is in between styles. It’s made with hops that have changed genders (yes, there are boy hop vines and girl hop vines). Further it’s a Kolsch, which is kind of between a lager and an ale.

The Guys are pleased to hear that the LGBT community has a beer honoring them. The beer world is all about acceptance and change. Except when it comes to vegans.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

You need another excuse for your drunken hook-up

Remember that time you went home with that girl at the bar, only to find the next morning she didn’t look as good as she did when you were drunk? Science says you’re making that up.

According to a recent study in Bristol, England, there may be no such thing as beer goggles after all. Researchers conducted a study of patrons of three pubs in town where they showed people images of faces and asked for their attractiveness rating, then they measured their BAC. The study was kind of like a drunken Hot or Not throwback. They found no clear correlation between the attractiveness ratings a person gave and the amount of booze in their bloodstream.

Some say the study shows that lowered inhibitions and lower standards could make the drunken hook-ups happen.

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals

No one in Britain is safe from drunken German wasps

Zum Whol!
Zum Wohl!

At this point it just seems absurd that the entire island of Great Britain hasn’t been evacuated.

As if the snail volcanoes and killer seagulls weren’t bad enough, now the Brits are being attacked by drunken wasps. Researchers say a mild winter and spring in the U.K. led to a large number of German wasps this summer. The population boom has meant that worker wasps can’t find work, so instead they go on a bender. They eat a lot of fermented fruit and get drunk, and when they get drunk, they get aggressive.

So basically, the Brits can’t stay outside for long this summer because there are so many wasps swerving their way through the skies looking for a fight. It’s that bad, and we’re still a month away from Oktoberfest.

| Filed under War on Animals

Spiders seize town in Argentina

Proving that they can dominate summer headlines, too, spiders have started taking over towns.

In Argentina, one town has been covered in what locals call the “slime of the devil.” It’s a blanket of spider web that covers a large area and is only growing. Apparently a horde of spiders have descended on the town and are likely controlling it now. And they’re not alone. Spiders in London took over an intersection earlier this month.

This could be the most coordinated assault we’ve ever seen from the eight-legged monsters.

| Filed under Regular Post

… Yeah, but have you read Hamlet on weed?

You can't unsee his stoned expression now. Or his earring.
You can’t unsee his stoned expression now. Or his earring.

William Shakespeare has been busted for possession of paraphernalia containing residue of cannabis and cocaine. South African researches found the evidence of drug use in “tobacco” residue from pipes in his home. This could help explain why his work got much more chill and arty after Titus Andronicus.

Of course, not everyone’s on board with Shakespeare using the same substances as the Hollywood directors that adapt his works. The curator of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust museum, Ann Donnelly, noted that “people love to come up with reasons for saying Shakespeare was not a genius. I don’t think there’s any proof that he was helped in any way by taking narcotic substances.”

It’s probably worth mentioning that the pipes were loaned to the South African team by the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust. So, if that pot isn’t Shakespeare’s, then Ms. Donnelly has some explaining to do. (But, seriously, who could resist packing the Bard’s bowl?)

| Filed under War on Animals

British teens bravely take on seagulls

Seagulls in England have gotten so aggressive that the government wants to take action. But what are the kids up to?

A few teenagers have been spotted running up and down the waterfront in Plymouth with bags of fish and chips over their heads, daring the gulls to attack them. A couple teens were spotted doing something stupid? In the media, we call that a “dangerous new craze sweeping the country that could put your child at risk.”

The best news here is that these teenagers aren’t afraid of the seagulls, even though the rest of the U.K. is. Perhaps these boys are the symbols of resistance the Brits need to turn this thing around.

| Filed under War on Animals

Seagulls are taking over England

Artist's depiction of what England looks like right now.
Artist’s depiction of what England looks like right now.

It’s shaping up to be the worst summer ever in England. Just weeks ago, an English beach suffered from snails launching from the sand. Now, there’s an attack from the air.

The seagulls on U.K. beaches are going nuts this summer. First, it was reported that a gull pecked a dog to death in Cornwall while it was outside in its own yard, then another one pecked at the head of a 66-year-old woman in the same town, or shire, or whatever. She suffered wounds to her scalp. Someone even photographed seagulls eating a rat whole. Her Majesty’s seagulls have clearly snapped.

The problem has gotten so bad that Prime Minister David Cameron has said there should be a national conversation about these dangerous birds. No, really. In the U.S., we can barely muster enough outrage to have a national conversation after a mass shooting. Do you really think our country is ready for when the animals rise up?

| Filed under War on Animals

Snails have learned how to shoot out of the ground

Here in the U.S., we’re watching ourselves in the ocean because sharks are attacking us left and right. In England, there’s another animal threat at the beach.

It was an average day at the beach in Devon, England, the citizens were — well, we don’t actually know if British people go to the beach — but they were somewhere around there. All of a sudden, a 15-foot-wide, 15-foot-deep hole opened in the sand, and snails began launching out of it like a volcano. When the sand collapsed, it shot water and sea snails that had been lurking below into the sky.

If England has a summer, this probably ruined it.

| Filed under You Missed It

You Missed It: State of paranoia edition

Gov. Greg Abbott, seen here in between sessions of furious masturbation watching ads for "Texas Rising," a TV event coming to History this Memorial Day. Check your local listings.
Gov. Greg Abbott, seen here in between sessions of furious masturbation watching ads for “Texas Rising,” a TV event coming to History this Memorial Day. Check your local listings.

Every now and then, corporate America latches on to a song and decides we need to hear it a million times — not just on the radio, but in ads, too. Right now, it’s that damn “Renegades” song by a band you’ve never heard of. The worst part about a band selling out and putting their song in a commercial to make it big is that commercials run about five times every half hour. I wouldn’t complain if commercials went back to using faux-dubstep or their best impression of a Black Keys song. If you were busy releasing a report on the dumbest sports controversy ever this week, odds are you missed it.

No one wants Dallas
This week, the Pentagon had to explain that an upcoming training exercise involving special forces is not an attempt by the federal government to take over Texas, after Gov. Greg Abbott told the state national guard to monitor the operation and ensure that citizens’ rights aren’t infringed upon. Oh Texas, you’re so cute when you think you’re not a conquered people.

Meanwhile, in sports everyone has an opinion about
Following his loss to noted domestic abuser Floyd Mayweather, boxer Manny Pacquiao is facing a $5 million lawsuit for not disclosing his shoulder injury, which he will have operated on. People are upset that they bet money on a fighter without knowing everything about his condition. Folks, putting money on the outcome of a sporting event is called a gamble, not an investment.

Woman gives birth
Hey, remember that country we fought a couple wars against a couple centuries ago? They were all tyrannical and stuff? As it turns out, in the 21st century, they still have a family that tax dollars pay for to live in palaces and travel the world. I know, right! Not only that, but apparently they had a kid this week. What’s that? Oh, I don’t know. I think it was a girl or something probably.

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals

Animals and their human allies ruin a London bar

If you’re in London this month, you’re probably excited about Annie the Owl, a pop up bar that will be open for only one week. You are also probably a crazy person.

The draw of the bar is that you get to drink with owls. For those of you who don’t know, owls are huge, scary birds that can see you in the dark, and have long talons that could slice you up in a fraction of a second. A place filled with these flying death machines seems like a good place to drink, doesn’t it?

Now, the bar has cut the service of all alcohol in response to concerns from animal rights groups. So you can’t even enjoy the bar for the reason you’re there: to get drunk.