Next time you’re in a boat, take a moment to appreciate that there are men and women willing to risk their lives to save your life. If an inflatable doll could talk, it would certainly give thanks.
Off the coast of Cornwall, England, a fisherman reported seeing an elderly person in the water, struggling to keep afloat in the rough seas. A coast guard helicopter and Royal Navy ship searched the waters, and located what appeared to be a person. They saved what they soon found was an inflatable sex doll, and just in time, as the doll seemed to have lost all its air and could have gone under at any time.
The doll was wearing pants and a shirt, because English sex toys are just classier than ours.
There are probably better ways at getting back at your boss.
A man in England got drunk and crashed his boss’ car two different times. The first one, a Land Rover, happened earlier this year. He was arrested and charged, as he should have been, but he wasn’t done yet. A month later, authorities say he stole his boss’ other car, a Mini (apparently his boss doesn’t like mid-size cars) and crashed it into three parked cars, while drunk.
The man was just sentenced to two years in jail this week, removing the potential for an awkward office Christmas party.
Some holiday magic landed in London last Friday. The bad news is that the holiday cheer is already dried up.
Carlsberg, a brand of beer you’ve probably seen on soccer jerseys, set up a Christmas tree along the Thames River in London on Friday. This wasn’t just any Christmas tree, it came with a gift for everyone: the gift of free beer. For seven hours, Londoners got to drink free beer. We can only assume that this led to other holiday traditions in England, such as throwing up in the street and getting into fistfights.
Here’s hoping for the Christmas miracle to make it here to the U.S.
The LGBT community has achieved a lot in recent years, thanks to a lot of hard work. And now, they can enjoy their own beer after all their hard work.
Oddball Scottish brewery BrewDog has partnered with the organizers of a British LGBT event that is the world’s first transgender beer. The beer, No Label, won’t chang you or anything, but it is in between styles. It’s made with hops that have changed genders (yes, there are boy hop vines and girl hop vines). Further it’s a Kolsch, which is kind of between a lager and an ale.
The Guys are pleased to hear that the LGBT community has a beer honoring them. The beer world is all about acceptance and change. Except when it comes to vegans.
Remember that time you went home with that girl at the bar, only to find the next morning she didn’t look as good as she did when you were drunk? Science says you’re making that up.
According to a recent study in Bristol, England, there may be no such thing as beer goggles after all. Researchers conducted a study of patrons of three pubs in town where they showed people images of faces and asked for their attractiveness rating, then they measured their BAC. The study was kind of like a drunken Hot or Not throwback. They found no clear correlation between the attractiveness ratings a person gave and the amount of booze in their bloodstream.
Some say the study shows that lowered inhibitions and lower standards could make the drunken hook-ups happen.
At this point it just seems absurd that the entire island of Great Britain hasn’t been evacuated.
As if the snail volcanoes and killer seagulls weren’t bad enough, now the Brits are being attacked by drunken wasps. Researchers say a mild winter and spring in the U.K. led to a large number of German wasps this summer. The population boom has meant that worker wasps can’t find work, so instead they go on a bender. They eat a lot of fermented fruit and get drunk, and when they get drunk, they get aggressive.
So basically, the Brits can’t stay outside for long this summer because there are so many wasps swerving their way through the skies looking for a fight. It’s that bad, and we’re still a month away from Oktoberfest.
Proving that they can dominate summer headlines, too, spiders have started taking over towns.
In Argentina, one town has been covered in what locals call the “slime of the devil.” It’s a blanket of spider web that covers a large area and is only growing. Apparently a horde of spiders have descended on the town and are likely controlling it now. And they’re not alone. Spiders in London took over an intersection earlier this month.
This could be the most coordinated assault we’ve ever seen from the eight-legged monsters.
Of course, not everyone’s on board with Shakespeare using the same substances as the Hollywood directors that adapt his works. The curator of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust museum, Ann Donnelly, noted that “people love to come up with reasons for saying Shakespeare was not a genius. I don’t think there’s any proof that he was helped in any way by taking narcotic substances.”
It’s probably worth mentioning that the pipes were loaned to the South African team by the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust. So, if that pot isn’t Shakespeare’s, then Ms. Donnelly has some explaining to do. (But, seriously, who could resist packing the Bard’s bowl?)
The best news here is that these teenagers aren’t afraid of the seagulls, even though the rest of the U.K. is. Perhaps these boys are the symbols of resistance the Brits need to turn this thing around.
The problem has gotten so bad that Prime Minister David Cameron has said there should be a national conversation about these dangerous birds. No, really. In the U.S., we can barely muster enough outrage to have a national conversation after a mass shooting. Do you really think our country is ready for when the animals rise up?