We’ll be driving with the windows up for a while

Over 20 million bees pulled a Con Air in Utah, overturning a truck that was transporting them to a maximum security almond farm in Bakersfield, California.

The bees have mostly been returned into custody, but the driver and two police officers were stung during the attempted hijacking/breakout.  Some of the bees, however, remain at large and may use the U.S. highway system against us to quickly take over every Waffle House dumpster in America.

Thanks a lot, Eisenhower.

Nothing a little Chipotlaway won’t cure

A Bexar County, Texas,  jail guard was convicted of smuggling a saw blade to an inmate by hiding it in a taco. A surprise inspection of now-convicted double murderer Jacob Keller’s cell turned up a hacksaw blade, a rope, and a prison jumpsuit dyed to look like civilian clothes.

The guard, Alfred Casas, however maintains his innocence, and in his defense, Keller did not escape. So, how did the blade end up in a taco?

  • Fire sauce just doesn’t cut it, butt pain-wise, once you’ve had prison sex.
  • It could have been from Taco Bell, which are filled with 100 percent beef and 100 percent stainless steel saw blades.
  • Casas’ wife may have been trying to slowly kill him, but ran out of arsenic for that day’s lunch.
  • How else was Keller supposed to get the sapling he swallowed out?

We’ve learned nothing from ‘The Usual Suspects’

So, in any prisoner transfer, you’d figure there’s a pretty intense search of the convict: mouth, clothing, probably even their anus … You’d think there’d also be a test for mobility.

The escapist had even previously used the wheelchair, which he ran out of during his escape, to pin his wife against a wall and stab her with a makeshift knife.

Maybe add a kick to the legs or even a tickle test, that’s all we’re saying.

The beginning of every Michael Bay movie

Every criminal has their thing. Some have cats, others henchmen. Some of them use guns, others mental brainwaves.Some rob banks, others try to destroy the world.

Nikos Paleokostas uses a helicopter to escape from prison. Now repeatedly.

The Greek government and the definition of “maximum security” has been foiled once again by Paleokostas and the third dimension when two unidentified men hijacked a helicopter from Athens International Airport, flew it to Korydallos Prison and lifted the flighty inmate and a friend, Alket Riza, off the roof using a rope ladder.

Just to drive this punchline home: this is the second time he’s made this same escape from the same damn prison. They never took measures to prevent this from happening again, like keeping Paleokostas indoors or installing anti-aircraft weaponry.

So, to Korydallos Prison, we have to say, shame on you.