When you face a foe as great in numbers as animals, humans want to believe that we aren’t alone in this fight. We’ve long put dogs on a pedestal, claiming them as man’s best friend. But, let’s not forget that only 10,000 years ago, they were wolves.
We’ve depended on dogs in police work, especially for enforcing our nation’s drug laws, which have now incarcerated a larger portion of our population than that of any other country, even the freedom-hating ones like North Korea and China. Could this have been dogs’ plan from the beginning, to arrest as many fighting Americans as possible so we would be powerless to stop their inevitable attack?
The U.S. Supreme Court is about to decide whether police dogs are planting evidence. Or, at least whether using their sense of smell alone is strong enough evidence for a search. Either way, it looks like some species is about to get their face rubbed in the Constitution of the United States.
A nerd at NASA thinks that he’s found evidence of aliens. Me, I think he’s found a picture of a dong.
Richard Hoover discovered fossils of bacteria in an extremely rare kind of meteorite. If you’re going to find an alien, I suppose those are the best conditions-super specific rare. After breaking apart the extremely rare meteorite, Hoover looked at the fragments with a scanning-electron microscope. What did he find? Micro-organisms, and kids, there’s picture evidence.
Oh, how there is picture evidence.
Look at the picture! It looks like a wang. A long, slithery wang. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is an alien. If it is an alien, given that shape, well, to be honest, we’re boned.
A new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences theorizes that it may be possible to identify individuals using their bacterial trace.
You see, everyone’s covered with bacteria, not just skanky people. Over 100 species worth are all over you right now, spreading to everything you touch. Scientists refuse to call this “the Human Slug Trail,” despite all of our letters. And just like snowflakes, only 13 percent of any person’s contamination field is identical to any other person’s.
So, imagine you’re a writer for CSI or work in the much smaller field of actual crime scene forensics. The Icy-Hot Killer has struck another orphanage, but has left no fingerprints. (And, no, there isn’t any semen.) But say they left their calling card: a single can of Icy-Hot. It may be print-free, but unless they wiped it with Chlorox wipes, there should be a bacteria sample.
It appears the Pentagon shooting could have been prevented.
According to law enforcement officials, the officers were shot by guns with a previous criminal history. Unfortunately, thanks to Tennessee and other states’ lax gun laws, the handguns were back out on the street, waiting to be bought legally by some guy, who would carry them so they could commit another crime.
The answer is simple, people. Once a gun has committed a violent crime, they have chosen to become enemies of the society we’ve worked to hard to make (by shooting the Native Americans that were in our way).
We’re not saying that all guns are bad–just the ones that go bad. So please, when you are about to bring a new gun into your home, make sure to give it a thorough background check before exposing it to your family.