Demonic possession is grounds for divorce in Italy

Zuuly, you nut!

Here in America, they hand out divorces like free samples companies used to give out before they had budget cuts. But it’s not nearly that easy to end your marriage in Italy. In some cases, it takes an act of Satan.

An Italian court has granted a man a divorce from his wife because she is possessed by the devil. He claimed that since 2007, the woman has been displaying unusual behavior, which include an incident where she threw a church pew wind a single hand, and eyewitness account of her levitating. A priest, a monk and even her own sister attested to the woman’s strange behavior, and if people like that will testify against you, you’ve got to be a huge bitch.

Reportedly, exorcisms haven’t worked, and doctors can’t find a medical explanation for the woman’s behavior.

This guy has been living that “There is no Dana, only Zuul” scene from Ghostbusters for 10 years — without 300 ccs of thorazine. He should be up for sainthood.

Exorcising the rites of office

"Your Holiness! Where did you go!? I can't see y ... Oh, there you are."
Your Holiness! Where did you go!? I can’t see y … Oh, there you are.”

There may be two popes in the Vatican these days (OK, technically one’s Pope Emeritus), but only one of them just performed an exorcism in broad daylight. The real surprise is that it wasn’t the showy one.

After a recent mass, Pope Francis laid his hands on a man in a wheelchair and prayed over him. The man then convulsed in his wheelchair and slumped over. A television station that covers the Italian Bishops’ conference consulted exorcism experts (because European pundits are better than ours), and they all agree: Pope Francis cast the devil out of that man.

We hate to diminish Frank’s work while he’s contending with a squatter in the guest room, but one exorcism on camera? Please. If that’s an exorcism, then the Beatles are saints.