Never go flying with Harrison Ford

Lao Che’s plan was pretty solid, in retrospect.

There’s a danger in the skies over Los Angeles, and its name is Harrison Ford.

Nearly two years after a crash landing on a Santa Monica golf course, Harrison Ford is once again endangering the lives of unsuspecting Angelenos. The famed actor has just been cited by the FAA for landing his plane on another non-runway, but at least this time it was an airport. According to authorities, Ford was cleared to land on a runway at John Wayne Airport on Monday, but mistakenly landed on a taxiway instead, nearly hitting a 737 with 116 people on it. Luckily no one was injured.

So the next time you fly, don’t worry about turbulence, worry that Harrison Ford is lurking out there somewhere.

You Missed It: Drone home edition

That Amazon Prime subscription isn't really worth it when the Secret Service shoots down all of your deliveries.
That Amazon Prime subscription isn’t really worth it when the Secret Service shoots down all of your deliveries.

Hi guys, so I won’t be doing this next week, because it’s the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and I think we all know that you won’t be reading. Like you, I’ve got plans for the long weekend, and they involve driving long distances and probably sitting in a decent amount of traffic both getting there and coming back. Maybe if there’s a huge backup we can all get out of our cars and have an impromptu picnic like people do. I’ve always wanted to be in one of those. If you were busy falling off the stage during your band’s first gig of the tour this week, odds are you missed it.

Channing Tatum in: White House Drone
This week, Secret Service agents detained a man who they said was flying a drone near the White House, less than a day after the FAA declared Washington, D.C. a “no drone zone.” The man was released and given back his drone after he informed authorities that it was “opposite day.”

Toodaloo, neighbor-eeno
Voice actor Harry Shearer announced that after some 25 years, he is leaving The Simpsons. He voiced dozens of characters on the show, including Ned Flanders and C. Montgomery Burns. The announcement prompted the internet to simultaneously state that it hasn’t watched that show in years, while hoping that new actors are hired so that the show doesn’t go off the air.

Aussies value the safety of their sheep
The Australian government threatened to put down Johnny Depp’s dogs this week. The actor is in the country filming the next Pirates of the Caribbean film, and brought his two Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, in violation of the country’s quarantine laws. Luckily, Depp had them flown back to the U.S. before the Aussies destroyed them. Australia should be more concerned with the public health risk Depp himself presents. Mordecai, The Lone Ranger, Dark Shadows and The Tourist? That man is box office poison.

You Missed It: Library of the willing edition

"When do we get to see the shoe-dodging room, George?"
“When do we get to see the shoe-dodging room, George?”

The furloughs for air traffic controllers began earlier this week, delaying flights on perfectly good days, I should know, because my flight yesterday was delayed. As I’m sitting there in the airport waiting over an hour for my flight to board, I read the headline on my phone that the House passed a bill to end the FAA furloughs. Great timing, jerks. If you were busy getting drafted into the NFL this week, odds are you missed it.

‘I’m the Archiver
All five living presidents gathered in Texas this week for the opening of George W. Bush’s presidential library. Each chief executive took a few moments to honor the opening of the building, as well as reflect on the importance of the younger Bush’s administration. One of the features of the library that was highlighted was the section on Weapons of Mass Destruction, which visitors are challenged to find.

Jury of (foreigner) peers
Jury duty is one of the worst things about being an American citizen, second only to draft eligibility and voting. But in California, immigrants might get in on the fun. The state legislature is considering a bill that would allow non-citizens who are in the U.S. legally to serve on juries. Great, more American jobs being taken foreigners.

This should get sampled in no time
This week, a wax audio recording of Alexander Graham Bell was found in the Smithsonian archives. Dating back to 1885, it is the only known recording of Bell’s voice. On the recording, the inventor of the telephone says, “Hear my voice, Alexander Graham Bell.” He then goes on to say, “9/11 was an inside job.”

Picked the wrong day to quit microprocessing

To illustrate the situation for us, he threw human feces at an oscillating fan.Flights across the country were delayed by a problem with the FAA’s computers in Salt Lake City and Atlanta. Air traffic controllers were forced to enter flight plans by hand until the systems could be brought back online.

When we asked FAA officials, “The computers? What is it?” they responded, “They’re boxes full of chips and circuits that use a binary language to perform advanced calculations in the blink of an eye … but that’s not important right now.”

The Guys took some pictures and left, knocking over a row of phone booths to call in this story.

Hand-charted flights, phone booths, actual human reporting …. All in all, everyone had a wonderful time reliving the 1970s.