Bryan Schools is still learning what it’s like to go the rest of his life without sex, so I’m filling in for him this week. Here’s “Take These Sports from Snee and Eat Them.”
I’m not about to say that the entire sporting world is in trouble. But, certain teams and players could use a–ahem–boost:
That was the stands from last night’s Baltimore/Kansas City game at Camden Yard. Granted, it had rained all day and night, but even if you lived next door, would you bother to attend to watch the Orioles and the Royals? The title card alone sounds like it was pronounced by Foghorn Leghorn after a stroke.
They’re not alone. Detroit fans were already hesitant to spend money of Lions games, but now they’re abandoning the city and surrounding suburbs. How do you justify spending cash (we assume they still sell tickets) to a Kid Rock crowd?
You give them exactly why they watch Syfy and USA, and it’s not for Eureka or Psych; it’s for professional wrestling. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’
Zookeepers at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. have officially called off this year’s Panda Watch. It appears that Mei Xiang faked the whole thing, again.
Apparently, Mei Xiang will do anything to keep the attention she craves from zoo personnel, the media and her own badgered panda husband, Tian Tian, all of whom have been through this ordeal five times.
It’s time to leave, Tian Tian. She’ll just keep pulling this act to guilt you into sticking around. It may be hard to leave the potential mother of your cub or whatever they call your babies, but would she really lie to you if she loved you?
(And that’s how you convince an endangered species to stop breeding donating their sperm to a zookeeper.)
Alright, everyone here? OK, good.
Look, I don’t have a lot of time today, so I’m not gonna type up a bunch of crap about why I’m right. I’m just gonna cut to the chase and tell you why you’re wrong.
What follows are pieces of conventional “wisdom” (I’m using the term very lightly) and what’s wrong with these turd nuggets. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lightning Round