Take it from Snee: Jessica Alba kinda sucks

So I caught a few previews for Austin Powers 4: The Love Guru and noticed Jessica Alba is in it. You have to look hard for it: she’s only in the preview for a few seconds and she’s allegedly the leading lady. The same thing happened with Good Luck Chuck, that last attempt to cash in on Dane Cook/Ryan Reynolds confusion. You know what else these movies have in common? I don’t plan on seeing either one until I’m so hungover that the remote weighs 300 pounds. (And even then, the TV has to just happen to be on that channel.)

I’m not avoiding these films because they feature comedians sucking the last cents out of 10-year-old gags. I’m the guy who’s watched every Rodney Dangerfield movie ever made, including the one where he married five women. I just really, really don’t like Jessica Alba. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Jessica Alba kinda sucks

The Fantastic 4,000,000,000,000,000

Proving that no good comes of mixing space and bugs, the Russians have reported that cockroaches born in space are “faster and tougher than their terrestrial brethren.”

Theories for this disturbing development include developing in a zero-gravity environment or, like the Fantastic Four, exposure to space radiation.

To maintain superiority over all lower forms of animal life, we must ban all non-humans from spaceflight. To not do so will risk making our worst fears a reality.