We, as a nation, have gone soft. People don’t have any backbone anymore. We’re all so concerned about hurting peoples’ feelings that we forget who we are and who our enemies are. For example, people are hugging cows.
A farm in upstate New York offers a new service to interact with its cows and horses. This service isn’t to learn more about the enemy, but to cuddle with the beasts. For just $300, you and a friend can hug horses and cows for 90 minutes. Why would a person do this? Apparently some believe this therapeutic to be in close contact with smelly beasts of burden.
Hippie farmers say that being close to these animals and their slower heartbeats is soothing for humans. We call it treason.
Yang Youde is in a desperate struggle against property developers that want to take his farm. These must be Gorn property developers because Yang is using an improvised cannon made from a wheelbarrow and pipes to drive them off.
Farms are dangerous places. Sure, they smell bad and there is all sorts of machinery around, but it’s mostly dangerous because of the animals and the false sense of security into which you are lured. We think of farms the way we think about our childhood, we even have books and songs from our childhood to make us feel safe.
Unfortunately, the animals know all of this, and they sit waiting to capitalize on it. We have books about that, too. The animals in England, the cows, in particular, are uprising. Cows have killed four farmers in the past two months. It’s so bad that the the National Farmers Union has issued a warning to all farmers about these attacks.
Summarily, the British resolved to defend their isle until the end.
Canada has vast natural resources. So much of the untouched wilderness is ripe with minerals, all they need to be is mined. But sadly, the country’s only marijuana mine is in danger of being closed, a potential victim of the recession.
For nearly ten years, a mine in Manitoba, buried under the tundra, has been serving as the country’s only legal marijuana farm. Why? That is not exactly clear, but it’s for medicinal use, of course. The problem is that the farm just isn’t producing enough weed to stay in business. Demand is simply too high–heh.
In other news, a secret, government-run, subterranean marijuana mine sounds like it is just begging to be used in a movie. Someone call Michael Bay.
As most Spanish people and rodeo clowns can tell you, bulls are not the friendliest of creatures. In fact, they can be downright ornery. A 75-year-old Tennessee man found this out when he was feeding a bull on his son’s farm and it attacked him (the bull, not the farm).
As the bull was set to trample the man to death, his 13-year-old grandson, who happened to be driving a truck on the farm at the time, saw what was happening and attacked the bull with the truck, saving his grandfather. Sadly, it sounds like the bull was not killed in the accident, and therefore will not be coming to a McDonald’s near you.