Firefighters save delicious pigs, eat them as sausage

Back when fire departments first became a thing, firefighters would loot the houses as they tried to keep them from burning down. Today, firefighters just settle for a small paycheck and an excuse to wear a mustache. One woman whose property was save by firefighters decided to give back.

In England, a woman’s piglets and sows were saved from a barn fire by her local fire department several months ago, and she promised to repay them someday. That day has come. The woman held a barbecue for the local fire department, serving sausages made from the very pigs that they had saved.

So really, the pigs were only saved from the flames for a few months–until they would be tastier. This is a great policy, as long as they don’t apply it to saving children.

Stampede!

Farms are dangerous places. Sure, they smell bad and there is all sorts of machinery around, but it’s mostly dangerous because of the animals and the false sense of security into which you are lured. We think of farms the way we think about our childhood, we even have books and songs from our childhood to make us feel safe.

Unfortunately, the animals know all of this, and they sit waiting to capitalize on it. We have books about that, too. The animals in England, the cows, in particular, are uprising. Cows have killed four farmers in the past two months. It’s so bad that the the National Farmers Union has issued a warning to all farmers about these attacks.

Summarily, the British resolved to defend their isle until the end.

Is there a lack of miners or something?

Canada has vast natural resources. So much of the untouched wilderness is ripe with minerals, all they need to be is mined. But sadly, the country’s only marijuana mine is in danger of being closed, a potential victim of the recession.

For nearly ten years, a mine in Manitoba, buried under the tundra, has been serving as the country’s only legal marijuana farm. Why? That is not exactly clear, but it’s for medicinal use, of course. The problem is that the farm just isn’t producing enough weed to stay in business. Demand is simply too high–heh.

In other news, a secret, government-run, subterranean marijuana mine sounds like it is just begging to be used in a movie. Someone call Michael Bay.

Warrior of the Week

As most Spanish people and rodeo clowns can tell you, bulls are not the friendliest of creatures. In fact, they can be downright ornery. A 75-year-old Tennessee man found this out when he was feeding a bull on his son’s farm and it attacked him (the bull, not the farm).

As the bull was set to trample the man to death, his 13-year-old grandson, who happened to be driving a truck on the farm at the time, saw what was happening and attacked the bull with the truck, saving his grandfather. Sadly, it sounds like the bull was not killed in the accident, and therefore will not be coming to a McDonald’s near you.