It’s hard to believe, but the U.S. Navy’s been using submarines for over 100 years, and they just now thought to put women in them.
It took this long because some people have always thought that it’s not a good idea, especially because of “hot bunking,” where sailors sleep in the same bed in shifts to save space and because the subs have to be manned 24 hours, anyway.
But, this is a prime example of why submarines need women: the “hot” bunks will smell better. It’s either station women on subs or stock the showers with Herbal Essences.
And not just the bunks, either, because we’re also talking about recycled air here. Everyone knows women don’t fart, and their poops are modest and have no more odor than freshly baked crescent rolls. They sweat less and, if folded correctly, take up less space than an Ab-Lounger, which is important in a sub’s cramped insides.
(Speaking of conditions women handle better than men: cramped insides.)
Basically, women make the perfect seamen, especially underwater.
For eight years–eight years–I believed we had created a safer United States, a bomb-free and non-terrorized America. I thought that, by taking my shoes off at airports and picketing Muslim schools, we were safe.
All of that was thrown out the window this morning thanks to CNN and Bryan Schools (but mostly Bryan Schools). Now I’m terrified, which is terrorism. (Bryan Schools is a terrorist.)
If 10 U.S. government agents could sneak bombs into U.S. government buildings past other U.S. government employees, then every step the U.S. government has taken to protect me was all a lie. I’m not safe, nor was I ever.
But, I’m going to change that, you Take it from Snee. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I will be safe again
Criminals take note: farting on a police officer can add some serious charges to your list.
In West Virginia, a man was stopped because his car had no headlights on at night. The cop reported the driver, Jose Cruz, 34, was slurring his speech and smell of alcohol. After failing sobriety tests, Cruz was arrested and and taken to the police station for a breathalyzer test.
Just before he took the test, police say Cruz leaned in close to his arresting officer and farted on him, then fanned the air toward him. In addition to being charged with driving under the influence, Cruz was charged with battery of a police officer.
“The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the complaint alleged.
After a night of drinking, we know how that can be.