Take it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 3)

Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.

The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Maybe you’ve seen it in your tour through Ron Paul’s breast pocket?

To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.

Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. Previous installments covered the executive and legislative branches. This week, we wrap the whole shebang up with the judicial branch. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 3)

‘Abortion Showdown’ this Friday!

Friday! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!

The federal court in Kansas City presents Abortion Showdown! Two clinics, one state, new regulations! For the first time in an American court, two abortion clinics will combine forces in a handicap match against one state: Missouri.

This match will determine the viability of recently passed abortion licensing regulations by the Rules and Regulations Board. Will the state’s political vengeance stand, or will the latest measures be … aborted?!

You do not want to miss this event! BE THERE!

Men pay two-thirds more than women at bars

Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum (a lady) ruled that Ladies’ Night is not discriminatory against men. She threw out a lawsuit in Manhattan’s federal court on the grounds “that nightclubs are not representatives of the state.”

Oh, really, your honor? Where do bars get their liquor licenses? And where are the state-owned liquor establishments?

Attorney Roy Den Hollander, whose case was thrown out, did not fail to notice the judge’s gender, either.

“He called the judge a feminist and said her dismissal of his lawsuit was consistent with the discrimination embedded in many of America’s institutions.”

When? When will men be free from discrimination? Probably never, because women are pigs.