Tag: federal government

The war on debt

History may tell you that the Allies won World War II, in fact, it was the U.S. that really did the winning. We tipped the balance in the European theater and pretty much ran the show in the Pacific theater, too. But the government’s effort was funded by American citizens.

Well the time has come to pay the piper, and what better a time than during a global financial crisis (remember, Bernake said the recession is over)? Six states are suing the federal government for over $16 billion for unclaimed war bonds.

But if we claim the war bonds now, doesn’t that mean that the Nazis win?

Sound the horn!

Did you know that you can legally hunt gray wolves without the federal government coming after you and telling you you are a bad person? It’s true! The only thing is that the hippies will still say that, and it is not yet legal to hunt hippies.

As of September 15, you can go wolf hunting. After being on the endangered species list, they were taken off, only to be replaced again, but that got shot down, so the hunt will go on! Remember folks, werewolves are always on the kill list.

Who really wants to hear all that chirping, anyway?

Of all the animals we need to kill, birds may be the most important. Think about it: birds are the only type of animal that live in the deepest forests, the hottest deserts and the biggest oceans. We’ve used birds to communicate with each other, and we have even taught some birds how to talk. So how do we know they’re not spying on us and reporting our positions back to other animal foes?

With that in mind, we seem to be doing well in the fight against birds. According to a report by the federal government, we’re putting many species of birds in danger just by being us. We destroy their habitats and sometimes hit them with cars. Remember, we you see poop on your car, nine times out of 10, it’s from a bird. Isn’t it time you bought a high-powered rifle?

What rhymes with ‘luck?’

Animals hate everything we stand for–it’s no secret. But it is becoming clearer lately that not only are they so hateful of us that they are willing to engage in the more traditional, aggressive attacks, but also passive-aggressive ones. Pets are a method of draining the average human of their monetary resources. Now, it seems they are willing to try the same tactics on our government.

A pet duck in Rhode Island was born with a neurological disorder that keeps it from walking. In any other country, that would make the pet duck a pet lunch, but here in America, the quacker is taking Uncle Sam for a ride, getting a scooter to help assist in its walking. This blog can only assume it was paid for by Medicare.

Let’s keep in mind that this duck does not hold a job, nor does it pay taxes. In fact, this blog is willing to bet the duck comes from generations of tax- (and axe-) dodging ducks. Yet our tax dollars are paying to keep this duck alive and comfortable.