Neighbors think Jack Daniel’s flag supports ISIS

Heritage, not hate.

Everyone gets so down on Americans. It’s constant comedy fodder to make fun of a fat, drunk ignorant American in U.S. comedy, and that trope has certainly made it overseas. The problem is that people in other countries forget that they suck, too. You know who sucks? The Swiss.

Switzerland is known for being an ever-neutral nation of people who can’t decide whether they want to be culturally German or French, as if it’s a hard choice. And good news, Americans, the Swiss have annoying neighbors, too! A man in Zurich flew a Jack Daniel’s flag outside his home because he likes whiskey and doesn’t know what warning signs are.

Before long, his neighbors wrote him a letter expressing their displeasure that he would fly an ISIS flag outside his house. His neighbors claim to know nothing about the letting, because the U.S. doesn’t corner the market on passive aggressive neighbors. Despite worries for his safety, the man has vowed to keep flying his flag, a flag that symbolizes freedom from sobriety, and dumbass neighbors.

Remember the emoticon!

We don’t have the heart to tell Texas how many other places thought of using red and white stripes, blue fields and white stars for their flags. But, Puerto Rico had better be ready for anything.

The phase-in of emojis is one of the fastest growing phenomenons in online communication … but not fast enough to avoid offending Texans. While the state flag of Texas is not a standard emoji, the national flag of Chile is. And confusion by some people using the Chilean flag to tweet about Texas has struck deep in the heart of one of their state legislators.

State Representative Tom Oliverson filed a non-punitive resolution for his fellow lawmakers to “to reject the notion that the Chilean flag, although it is a nice flag, can in any way compare to or be substituted for the official state flag of Texas and urge all Texans not to use the Republic of Chile flag emoji in digital forums when referring to the Lone Star Flag of the great State of Texas.”

Well, look at that. He expressed a grievance in order to educate in a fun way and even added that the Chilean flag “is a nice flag.”

Of course, it would be an awful shame if Chile asked Texas to stop referring to their meat and bean slurry as “chili” — an easy confusion. But, we’d consider that the price of using legislative hours for pedantry, even fun pedantry.

An uplifting story

Japan is still recovering from Gilbert Godfrey’s jokes on Twitter, and her people need your awareness and/or help. To get your attention, Japanese lingerie manufacturer, Triumph, has released a new bra and matching skirt. The underwear features tiny little flags of countries that managed to wish Japan well, passive-aggressively making those who didn’t send a text feel bad.

The bustier should be available in vending machines once they have been worn by underage virgins.