Flavor Fleeeeeee

After a turbulent four months of bounced checks and low staff retention, Clinton, Iowa-based Flav’s Fried Chicken has shuttered. Flav, as all his close friends call him, claims that restaurant manager Nick Cimino wasn’t running the business right, while Cimino believes that Flav is a “fraud” and he is glad to be “free of somebody like Flavor Flav.” There are also rumors that Flav had issues with the food itself after discovering potato salad on April 2 that was being served despite having expired since February 28.

Oh, that’s just mouth-watering.

Flav is reportedly still looking into pursuing other restaurant ventures, including a Las Vegas place called “Flavor Flav’s House of Flavor,” expected to open May 30, and perhaps another restaurant in Davenport, Iowa as well. We expect that the house will taste like cinnamon because why not?

Fried chicken, booooooyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Take one part former rap hype man and alum of “The Surreal Life,” one part obscure town in Middle America, add two parts secret recipe for fried chicken, and what do you get? Reality, which has now become more awesome louder stranger than fiction.

Flavor Flav has opened the first of what he hopes will be “hundreds” of Flav’s Fried Chicken restaurants in, of all places, Clinton, Iowa.

No, really. But wait, it gets better.

“I don’t want to be just known to have a spot. You’re going to find me in here working. You’re going to be catching me seasoning my chicken, flouring my chicken, frying up my chicken, and not only that, but serving my chicken to my people.”

Please keep in mind that FLAVA FLAAAAAAV from Long Island. The connection to Clinton is via Peter Cimino, a restaurateur that owns a local restaurant that began serving Flavor Flav’s hot wings.

“Nick sees me frying the chicken and says ‘I’m going back to my town and I’m going to build us a restaurant, the first FFC restaurant.’ I said, ‘Huh, are you serious?'”

Lest anyone forget that this is Flav’s Fried Chicken, Nick Cimino, brother of Peter, reportedly hired local artists to plaster Flav’s image everywhere in the restaurant, but the hip-hop star doesn’t want to compete based on his celebrity alone. To him, it’s all about the chicken:

“The taste will blow up your taste buds. You’ll have fireworks in there.”

It’s the quotes that keep us coming back. Well, those and hopefully kids meal prizes of viking helmets and over-sized clock pendants.