Tag: Fox News

Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Hey, Sarah.

Look, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. You wanted to be vice president, and I wanted an Earth where there’s no country ass-backwards enough to let that happen. Tomato/tobacco, right?

I’m not writing this to discuss the last election. Bygones are bygones … Well, except you’re not bygone, bygod, now are you? In fact, it seems like you want to be President in 2012 if your non-Alaskan activities are to be interpreted correctly.

This would be a huge mistake. You see, I’ve learned some things about you from last year that you appear to have not. Please, let me rectify this oversight in hopes that you might become a peaceful, and maybe better, person. Continue reading Take it from Snee: An open letter to Sarah Palin

Let’s play a game

We will give you three headlines, all about the same story. Try to name each news outlet.

  1. “Supreme Court to consider life in prison for juveniles”
  2. “Justices to hear appeals of lifers sentenced as teens”
  3. “Supreme Court to Hear Convicted Rapist’s Case”

The answers are after the jump. Continue reading Let’s play a game

The McBournie Minute: Swine flu could be just what economy needs

We got tired of worrying about Iraq, mostly because it was messy and a lot of people just got tired of the protesters screaming about this and that all the time. Luckily, we got to jump on the green bandwagon, so we could worry about global warming/climate change instead. This was especially fun during the election season, because it enabled us to see where the candidates stood on an issue that they can do very little to affect in the first place.

But let’s face it, thinking about the world ending, Asian countries ceasing to exist, crops ruined, lack of oxygen, the increase of stronger hurricanes, snow in Las Vegas, heat waves in April, etc. can get downright depressing. It’s enough to make you want to go out and drive around with the air conditioning cranked until you can finally clear your head. Once again, we were provided with a new topic to scream about: the economy. Turns out we were in a recession for a year and never knew it. Cue the layoffs, bailouts and general concern about how people will be able to pay for their iPhone plans.

That got really old. A couple months ago pretty much everyone got tired of hearing about how a population equal to that of Wisconsin lost their jobs, so we asked our media to change its tune. That’s why we get stuff about being frugal now. (Did you know you can read newspapers online for free? 101 money-saving tips inside!) But there was a void. You felt it, didn’t you? It was the void of not having something to constantly worry about, aside from who is getting voted off American Idol. Luckily, we now have something: swine flu apparently happened over the weekend, because the news media are all over this story and why you should be very, very afraid. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Swine flu could be just what economy needs

The McBournie Minute: Act like the media establishment you’re supposed to be

I’m a journalist in the real world. Professionally, I’ve been one for about three and a half years, before that, I had over four years in college and real world journalism experience–I just wasn’t getting paid anything you could live on. That being said, I hate television news media.

There’s nothing that gets me screaming at my TV than turning on CNN, FOX News or, yes, even MSNBC. I don’t think journalism is about looking good. I don’t believe you can get the story in frame and edited in time for your scheduled satellite uplink in the truck. I don’t believe flashy graphics and scare tactics are forms of information or public service. Most of all, I don’t believe the pundits do anything but tell you how you should think.

Nevertheless, it’s always hilarious to watch them copy each other. Over a year ago, CNN introduced iReport. For those of you unfamiliar, it lets you upload pictures, videos, and on occasion, text unedited for others to view and CNN to harvest when it needs something to kill some time. You don’t get paid, you don’t really get famous, but you do get something on the air. It sounds good in theory, but lately it’s devolved into something like YouTube, only with original content (OH SNAP!). Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Act like the media establishment you’re supposed to be

A tragic ending to a fairytale relationship

We’ve got some sad news today. It seems that even with things thawing out in the hemisphere, hearts are not melting in Alaska. Yes, to the shock of the country, Bristol Palin and her fiancé, Levi Johnston, have broken up. Even more disheartening is the fact that it apparently happened “weeks ago.” Hmmmm, wasn’t there some sort of romantic holiday a few weeks ago?

NO!!! It can’t be true! Please tell me Bristol and That Dude Who Knocked Her Up didn’t break up on Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s sad but true. The one-time political tool of the Republican party is no more. Their two-month-old symbol of hypocrisy at home, Tripp, however, remains ever present. In February, grandmother and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told FOX News’ Greta Van Susteren that the couple was doing fine and planned to get married after high school.

Wait, has nobody told mom yet? When you do, hide her guns.

Another day, another Hitler headline

Adolf Hitler, the dead dictator of Deutchlund (that’s alliteration, Kyle), has made yet another headline this week, this time through Fox News’ pressing coverage of YouTube fads.

For the uninitiated, a YouTube fad is a joke that other people imitate for about 2 days, and then promptly becomes unfunny when Fox News covers it as News.

Users are posting footage of the mustachioed, megalomaniacal mastermind of mass murder (boo-yah) yelling at underlings in the 2004 movie, Downfall, with new subtitles about why he’s pissed:

Of course, it wouldn’t be a news report about a fleeting cultural phenomenon on Fox unless somebody was offended. A group representing Holocaust survivors has objected to at least one video in which the balmy Bavarian bratwurst-eschewing bomb-dodger has trouble finding parking in Tel Aviv, Israel.

To be honest, you’d probably have to be Jewish to get that one, anyway.

CNN’s Rick Sanchez is high on crack

We never miss a chance to bash CNN. (Why? Because it’s fun and they link to us.) Apparently Twitter user Rick Sanchez, a reporter for CNN, had his account hacked by a phishing site. We still are not sure whether or not it has to do with one of his tweets yesterday.

“i am high on crack right now might not make it into work today”

Clearly the man was on something, he found himself unable to capitalize or even punctuate his tweet. Sanchez, this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs on Twitter. Any questions?

(I am legally obligated here to plug not only SG’s Twitter, but my own as well.)

But Sanchez wasn’t the only victim to this crime. More people who matter fell prey, like President-elect Barack Obama, Vice President-elect Britney Spears, and Fox News. Did you know that O’Reilly is gay? Apparently so. We here at SG are open-minded and applaud the pundit for coming out, particularly in his line of work. In following with his stance on homosexuality, O’Reilly will now check himself in to rehab/electroshock therapy until he is straight.

(Courtesy of Courtney P.)

The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance

Here we are at the end of the campaign trail of the 2008 election, or as it is known in the Washington area, the kickoff for 2012. We all know where the candidates stand on the issues, heck, Al Gore emailed my work address this morning to tell me about how important elections are, which is probably caused by global warming. In just over 24 hours, it will all finally be over. No more calls, no more people knocking on your door, no more activists pathetically trying to get you to listen to them as you walk by listening to your iPod.

This is the end of the good times.

In my opinion, this election could not have come at a worse time. We as a nation were finally united and then this thing comes along and splits us all up again. For the past two or three years, we have reached across our own aisles to work together toward a common goal: hating George W. Bush. It took the hard work of a bumbling administration, war, natural disaster, the English language and the hard work of people like Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, but we got there. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance

How To: Mourn a celebrity

Jesus, the Internet’s like a bad zombie movie these days. Just a couple of weeks ago, you were lucky if you caught “It’s Bad for Ya” on HBO, which was played as filler between John Adams marathons and Recount. But now that George Carlin’s dead, you can’t escape the c**ksucker.

(And the week before, it was Tim Russert. You know, the guy from the political news that wasn’t Chris Matthews.)

The Guys are running around the Internet, trying to find quality news for you readers, and there’s George, walking around in another eulogy. No matter how fast we run, he’s still there, right behind us.

But he doesn’t moan for “braaaaaaaains” or even “pussyyyyyyyy farrrrrrrts.” No, he sounds like Jerry Seinfeld, Stephen Colbert or some blogger. There’s George, but that isn’t George anymore.

So how do dead celebrities get around so much? Because everyone’s gotta take their turn to mourn and do it right, or their fans will jump out of the woodworks to call you “insensitive.” It’s this rabid attention to post-mortem detail that prompted us to write how to mourn a celebrity. Continue reading How To: Mourn a celebrity

“How frigid is my wife? Think the state that I govern.”

Lots of guys like to joke with their fishing buddies about how their wife won’t have sex with them, but when you’re the Governor of Minnesota and your “buddies” are everyone listening to a live radio broadcast, that makes things maybe just a little awkward. Granted, not as awkward as how some governors handle it, but still not smooth.