Foxes cut fuel lines, parrot frames woman

Every day you’re in danger of being attacked by animals. But even then, it’s with their teeth and claws. Now, animals are using their brains to get you.

Drivers in one town in England are in danger, because foxes keep eating their brake lines. Authorities say the foxes in Tunbridge Wells are to blame for biting the brake lines on at least six different cars. Police warn that the foxes have acquired a taste for brake fluid, but it’s pretty obvious that’s just a cover. They are trying to kill people without having to do the work themselves.

In Michigan, a woman is being investigated in her husband’s murder after the couple’s pet African grey parrot repeated an argument and the sound of a gunshot. Police believed at first that someone broke in and shot the couple, killing the husband and injuring the wife. But the parrot’s testimony has them wondering if the woman shot her husband during an argument.

We don’t need to tell you the obvious. The parrot is trying to frame the woman, and likely shot the two people itself.

Remember the old Super Soaker ads where they were used for revenge on someone?

Let’s face it, sometimes, no matter how much you rant and rave from your driveway the damn kids won’t get off your lawn. That’s when it’s time to take matters into your own hands. One man in Minnesota did just that when he found his back was against the wall.

Scott Edward Wagar, 50, was tired of teenagers toilet papering his house. So, he did what any sensible person would do. He went out and got some night vision goggles, a squirt gun and some fox urine, then played the waiting game. The teens showed up again and he let them have it, in quite possible the strangest golden shower case (and that’s saying something) this blog has ever seen.

Now for some reason, Wagar, not those cursed teenagers, is getting charged with fifth (fifth?) degree assault. Why can’t we use shotguns for warning shots anymore?