Gov’t declares war on vampires (robocalls by proxy)

Somebody at the FTC must have received a prerecorded sales call, because they’re finally making the practice illegal. As of Tuesday, September 1, it will be illegal for businesses to place unsolicited calls. So, just like vampires, they can’t come in unless you invite them.

Wait a minute … September 1 … that’s only 6 days away from … Labor Day

Oh. My. God. It’s finally happened! The U.S. government has declared war on capitalism and is ringing in the new Socialist year by reigning in the auto-dialing invisible Hand of the Free Market!

And if you don’t believe us, politicians are exempt from the ban!

Damn you, Obama! WE WILL BE HEARD!

Legal cock-up yields loophole for youngsters

The free market wins again! The cock-up of lawmakers is your gain, youngsters!

At least, if you live in Britain.

It’s always been considered illegal to sell adult-rated video games and movies to minors in the United Kingdom, ever since the Video Recordings Act of 1984. However, it’s been discovered today that the required paperwork was never put through properly, meaning that it’s actually been legal to sell adult entertainment to children for the past twenty-five years! In order for a law to be formally passed in the U.K., it has to be forwarded first to the European Union. Nobody ever actually did this when the law was drawn up over two decades ago, meaning it was never officially in place or legally enforceable.

What does this mean? Those who have already been convicted of an offense under the act will remain convicted, and can’t have their penalties/fines/sentences reduced. But those about to be prosecuted will be spared, at least until the government can enact “emergency legislation” to close the loophole. And in the meantime? Until said loophole is closed, it’s 100% legal for anyone, of any age, to buy anything. Movies, games, porn, doesn’t matter. Even if it’s media content that was previously banned in the U.K., until that emergency legislation is passed, it’s all good.

So, teenagers and pre-teens of the U.K., what are you waiting for? Hop to it and contribute to both the free market and your cerebral delinquency!

Silly capitalist whores

The brothel business is booming in London town, BOOMING, we say, and the competition is creating a price war where you can get unprotected sex for just £25. That’s like … $350 American or something, so that might be a pretty good deal. One warning though–your chance of getting an STD and/or a new spawn is over 9,000. So, you might want to factor that into your decision.

Adam Smith would be proud. He’d still be dead, mind you. Horribly, horribly dead, but so very, very proud of the lesson that he’s taught.