Keep your friends list close, your blocked list even closer

Have you ever wondered what a “social media guru” or “expert” does? As far as we can tell, they follow random people on Twitter and post links to buzzspeak essays by other (presumably) unemployed “SEO managers.”

Or … they could be The Fuzz!

Police, FBI, Secret Service and even the IRS are infiltrating the MySpace, Facebook and–in extreme cases–the Friendster to find the goods on you. To bypass your security settings, they’re setting up undercover identities, asking to become part of your online menagerie of familiar screen names.

Once they’re in, you’ll probably forget all about them, like that guy you met that one time at that place with the shots served in test tubes. (Quickest abortion turnaround time, yet!) And then they watch for any pictures of illegal activity or status changes that conflict with your alibis.

So, next time you get a friend request, ask them, “Are you a cop?” If they say no, then they’re probably lying because they’re undercover, so you should destroy your computer.

Fail whale takes up residence

Mother of god, it happened. We never thought it would happen, but it really did. Twitter was down for an extended period of time! The nightmare happened on Thursday. Mercifully, I was away, but I hear tell of the horrifying experience.

Not only was Twitter down–Facebook and LiveJournal had some glitches! My god, it sounds like, it sounds like, a normal day on the Internet!

Nevertheless, it left the addicted to social media questioning their existence and wondering how they operated only a couple years ago, when they were only on MySpace and Friendster.

“It’s like, ‘I can’t update! I can’t update!’ It’s just one of those bugs that gets in you.”

The horror. The horror.