The Guys have lamented more than once that, while time does indeed march forward, it doesn’t often feel that we live in the future. Although computers are increasingly smaller and faster, they don’t do much different from they did ten to 15 years ago. We still have to chew our food like animals rather than take it in pill-form. (At this point, we’d even accept drinking a nutritionally sufficient slurry or paste.) And, even though the death toll would be astronomical (proving that we’ve gotten older), we still expect the jet packs we were promised as children.
In short, science fiction let us down. It peaked in the 1960s by predicting flat screens and cellphones, and the only modern thing it predicted is the widespread global chaos and lower fertility rates of Children of Men.
It’s not perfect. After all, Archie Bunker perfected drinking beer and watching television back in the 1970s. But, we’ll take any indication of Gene Roddenberry’s glorious, upbeat future anywhere we can find it.
Special thanks to Nat E. for the find! We owe you an unobtrusive beer.
Anyone who read Calvin and Hobbes as much as I did already knows where this is going.
Resolutions are stupid because, even if you accomplish them, the world has not changed for the better. Unless your resolution was to fix the Middle East or invent virtual porn for sex offenders—that could help.
Unlike Calvin, it’s not that I necessarily believe that the rest of the world needs to shape up to accommodate me. Some of these are also improvements that I must make along with the rest of our beloved unwashed readers. See? I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t. Just like the carnie with three fingers said, “Shut up and get on the ride, you pussy.”
Last Wednesday, SeriouslyGuys.com columnist Rick Snee gave it to you about the pronunciation of “2010” (again). And while he routinely projects volleys of predictions in these pieces, hoping one of them may stick, it appears he’s on the cusp of being right.
On the topic of future wars in the “Twenty-Ten” chain of events, he said the following:
“But, the Future War could be with anyone or anything. Imagine fighting aliens! Or time travellers! Or maybe even Communazis! Could the British want revenge for losing Samoa in 1900?!We can only hope!“
Not one week later, the Yemeni government said that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian charged with attempted unChristmaslike crotch behavior on a plane bound for Detroit, was “radicalised and recruited by al-Qaeda while a student in London.”
London. As in London, England. That’s where British people come from.
It appears that the U.K. is harboring terrorists. Sounds like invadin’ time to us!
Proving that the horse I’ve been whipping isn’t dead, Twenty-Ten (a.k.a. the future) has arrived. Thanks to your efforts to spread the word, people around the world are referring to this year in the manner that will separate us from our primitive 20th Century predecessors.
But, that doesn’t mean we can sit back and enjoy the jetpack ride to our moon brothels. No, now that the year has arrived, some Johnny-Come-Latelys want to go back to the old ways and slip a Two-Thousand-Ten pound shock collar over our necks.
It encompasses Afghanistan and Iraq, Russia and former members of the Eastern Bloc and even red and blue state alike (well, more blue state, really).
We are closer to returning to the Dark Ages than ever before, a time when years were referred to by the thousands. If we enter the next decade with the same mindset, everything we fought for the past 2,000 years will be for naught.
We talked about this before. Now it’s October, the beginning of the holiday season. As of midnight, January 1st, the pronunciation of 2010 and the fate of our children’s children will be settled.