You aren’t doing it right if it isn’t inappropriate

There are a lot of contests with prizes that we disagree with, like the McDonald’s Monopoly pieces that only award foods that don’t come with additional game pieces. The “win a baby” contest in Britain is not one of those games.

Winners of “To Hatch” will receive “25,000 pounds’ ($40,175) worth of tailor-made treatments at one of the UK’s top five fertility clinics.” And if that doesn’t work, winners can also receive “reproductive surgery, donor eggs and sperm or a surrogate birth.”

Critics, however, claim that the contest is “inappropriate and demeaning to human reproduction.” To which we reply, oh yeah? Have you ever even seen sex?

How do you solve a problem like $850,000?

Sister Marie Thornton is not your ordinary nun. By day, she runs the finances at Iona College. By night, she gambles in Atlantic City. But, when she finds herself under federal investigation for an $850,000 paycheck she doesn’t remember cashing, she’s Nun Too Pleased.

If you see one holiday movie this year, make it Tron, because this one isn’t playing in theaters.

Coming soon to a court near New Rochelle, New York!

Seeya, Las Vegas

NEWSFLASH: If you say that it’s irresponsible to blow your savings in Las Vegas, then their mayor will never be your friend!

That’s the lesson President Barack Obama has learned as Mayor Oscar “Unfortunate First Name” Goodman has rebuffed his visit to Las Vegas. Goodman refused to greet the President at the airport and has publicly declined any meetings until Obama calls to “rectify the situation.”

Look, folks. Las Vegas isn’t just some other desert city formed by gangsters for legal gambling and prostitution. It’s a city with feelings. To imply that it’s expensive to stay in a hotel shaped like a giant pyramid, drink $10 cocktails all night, get married and divorced within 24 hours and lose your girlfriend in a high stakes poker match–as they advertise–is just plain mean.

Because murder, drug use and sexual assault weren’t enough

A study of young people who are also pathological gamblers, surprise, turns up a connection to video games, in a report on Australia’s ABC News. Oh noes! Notably, however, another researcher knocks down the suggestion of a causal link.

“If you look at those young people who are classified as pathological gamblers you will find that they do have a higher frequency of involvement with many different types of videogame. They’re much more likely to play games on Xboxes and similar consoles. They are also more likely to play arcade games. It does suggest that if you’re a person who is playing very frequently, more likely if you’re a male too, and doing it from you know year after year, it’s probably more likely you’ll have a pattern of activity which will make poker machines quite attractive when you turn 18.”

It never seems to occur to them that videogames are a hugely popular activity enjoyed by most teenagers, so there’s bound to be a correlation between games and most other activities. Correlation which is not, of course, the same as causation. But hey, videogames have been linked to all sorts of sin and vice, so what’s one more problem to throw on the pile? Alex Blaszczynski, a psychology professor at the University of Sydney, thinks otherwise.

“Does an interest in gambling lead to people becoming involved in video games or do video games lead to people becoming involved in gambling? Or is there a third factor which accounts for both gambling and videogames? There’s also the possibility that some people with certain characteristics would then tend to engage in both video and technology type gaming activity and gambling as well. And that may well be linked to things like risk taking or impulsivity or other factors.”

Good luck, Blaszcynski.

Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

Until this weekend, Las Vegas was mythical. It was a magical place where movie plots really happened, booze flowed like water and the women made the coeds at FSU look like junior prom material.

After visiting, I can honestly say that all of the above is truly mythical about Vegas, but only in that it’s either bull#### or not like that anymore.

That’s not to say Vegas isn’t fun …

… It’s just a different kind of fun. More pedestrian, less — well, read on after the jump for elaboration. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What happened to Vegas?

How To: Beat addiction

So, if you followed last week’s How To, you got your band back together. How’s it going? Oh, you say your big reunion tour’s over already? That’s OK, because every band goes through a couple of false starts before the big reunion (see: every Van Halen attempt to reunite with Diamond Dave).

But before that happens, it’s time to evaluate what went wrong. Just like any breakup, we’ll bet dollars to donuts that it failed for the same reason that led to your first breakup: addiction. Also, you should probably change your socks.

The Guys love you very much, but we hate to see you hurting yourself. That’s why we’ve written this intervention: how to beat addiction. Continue reading How To: Beat addiction