Tag: gasoline

… But Virginians all drive 80 mph

As the recently-elected Virginia governor, Bob McDonnell, promised, a bill is slowly making the rounds to increase interstate highway speed limits from 65 to 70 mph.

This is just the latest effort by the Commonwealth to bring the speed limits into sync with the actual driving habits of Virginians, particularly those from the northern parts. School zones, unfortunately, remain a stifling 25 mph–fast enough to kill, but too slow to to clear the obese 11-year-old underneath and take off again.

Some opponents to the bill believe that the 5 mph speed increase will waste fuel, lead to more accidents and require unwarranted spending to adjust signs.  These same opponents, however, have yet to propose lowering the speed limit to a safer, more fuel efficient 40 mph.

We guess the lesson is that safety’s one thing, but not if it means running late for work.

Impressionable youth does something stupid, manages to live

Protip: Gasoline is not Energon.

Protip: If you decide to drink gasoline, your IQ probably won’t drop but so low. After all, it’s not as if it’s incredibly high to begin with.

Protip: Keeping a child hydrated is very expensive, and even more so these days with rising gas prices.

Protip: If a child stumbles in a house smelling as if they’ve kissed a gas pump, he or she probably has.

Protip: If your child is drinking lighter fluid, that’s not exactly a good sign to begin with.

Burning, running and screaming: not ‘subduded’

In our continuing series of telling authority figures how to do their jobs, we now turn our sights onto the men and women who put on badges and protect us every day. Sometimes, they protect us from bad people, and sometimes, those bad people are ourselves.

But sometimes, they’re the police.

Forgetting how cars and gas grills work, police in Australia tased a man who had doused himself in gasoline and was carrying a cigarette lighter. The police successfully subdued him, and by “subdue,” we mean ignite his gasoline, setting him ablaze.

We can only expect this method to become standard, in the vein of forcing smoking kids to smoke entire packs of cigarettes and burning rental cars so that they can’t catch on fire.

How To: Survive rising gas prices

Unless you have been living under a rather large stone as of late (if you have, how are you reading this, much less keeping the stone’s crushing weight off of you?) you know all too well the toll filling up your gas tank can have on your wallet. While following our advice on how to manage your money is undoubtedly saving you thousands per year, it still hurts to gas up. That’s why The Guys are here to tell you how to survive rising gas prices. Continue reading How To: Survive rising gas prices

Take this, all of you, and fill thy tank with it

Forget faith, sometimes a church can better filling empty seats promising to fill one’s tank rather than fill one’s soul.

A Georgia church is using a raffle for free fuel to bring in new members. For every service in a week (from Sunday to Wednesday) a person gets a raffle ticket for $500 worth of gas, which is roughly 20 gallons at current market prices. Being a southern church you might think it’s a Baptist church pulling a stunt like this, well let us tell you that you are just plain wro–oh wait, it is a Baptist church.

And the pastor’s name is Rusty. Yes, Reverend Rusty. We’re done snickering and we’re moving on.