Study suggests we’re evolving to hate booze

Science is here again to tell us about the awful future. Hold on for this one, because it’s about a world without booze.

According to a recent study, humans may be evolving to have an aversion to alcohol. Researchers analyzed the genomes of 2,500 people from four different continents, and what they found will have you reaching for a bottle: a significant amount of people have gene variants that basically give them really bad hangovers. This condition is so bad that those who have these gene variants likely don’t drink much, if at all. If this gene variant spreads widely enough across the human population, we could one day turn into a race of teetotalers.

Wasn’t the next stage in human evolution supposed to give us laser eyes and telepathy?

Bad driving is genetic, comedians can still use this angle

Fear not humorists of the world-you might still be able to use ethnic stereotypes as bad drivers!

A new study suggests that a genetic variant may, in fact, be responsible for poor driving skills — and it’s a variant nearly one third of Americans possess.

A study at the University of California at Irvine studied the affect of a certain variant of the brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) gene on driving. The gene supports communication in the brain cells and is associated with keeping memory strong. For people with a certain variant of the BDNF gene, this process works less than optimally, and those people are less likely to recover from a stroke. Roughly 30 percent of Americans possess that less optimal variant.

But even if this genetic variant does make you a worse driver, it has certain advantages. Some studies have found that people with the variant retain greater mental sharpness when faced with neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinson’s, Huntington’s and multiple sclerosis. So, you know, you’ve got that going for you.

Your parents don’t love you


This week’s issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, scientists will reveal a study with which they determine your jeans do influence your popularity.

There’s no word, yet, as to which brands improve social standing, but this blog wears only Old Navy brand blue jeans. (Get Up & Go … to your local Old Navy store for great deals on fashionable clothes for the whole family!) We’re pretty sure scientists will corroborate our own research that skinny jeans are merely a passing fad, while boot cut relaxed fits will get you laid every time.

So, if you’re positive your parents refuse to buy you designer jeans because they’re jealous of your hair and secretly hate you: you’re absolutely right … and probably adopted.