You don’t know where that bed bug’s been, but his sister does

If you thought bed bugs are gross, get ready to declare a jihad on them: one of their keys to spreading so quickly is that they’re inbreeders.

Researchers discovered that not only do bed bugs inbreed, but they’re also pretty much immune to all the nasty genetic side effects. This enables a single pregnant female to establish a colony, while her offspring go sex nuts in the floorboards with each other.

And the scariest part — aside from the resemblance to the B-story from The Godfather Part III — is that their inbreeding makes them more resistant to pesticides. So: no hemophilia and they’re stronger.

The next step in this research is to apply it to humans. Namely, how are there so many country music fans when nobody farms or herds cattle anymore?