Heck of a job, Dubya

Former President George W. Bush just responded to Kanye West’s infamous 2005 accusation that “Bush doesn’t care about black people” in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Bush took it right to Kanye, via the “Today” show, five years later, saying that he “didn’t appreciate it.”

West’s original statement criticized Bush’s slow response time.

Miss him, yet?

(You can tell we do.)

Just the outcome you’d expect

The descendants of legendary Apache, Geronimo, found out what happens when you sue a notorious secret society that has included two of the last four presidents in its ranks: the case never makes it to trial.

The family attempted to sue Skull and Bones, Yale University for the theft of Geronimo’s remains. They were rumored to have been stolen by Prescott Bush and later used by his son, George H.W. Bush, and grandson, George W. Bush, to snort various drugs and do things that aren’t necessarily gay if you’re wearing a cowl and will one day rule the world.

Unfortunately, Judge Richard Roberts dismissed the suit because the world’s most famous Native American doesn’t count as a Native American artifact because he was “excavated or discovered before 1990.” (Which seems to imply that the theft of a federal grave equals “excavation or discovery.”)

This leaves Geronimo’s family one option: body raid at Yale!

Take it from Snee: Crackshot Commando

I don’t like to brag too much about my military record. For one thing, it’s not very conducive to my online comedy career. I want you to laugh with me, not laugh because–if there’s a way for a former Space Green Beret to reach through your monitor–I’ll thumb-gouge your eyes out.

But, with the recent attacks on Connecticut Democrat senatorial candidate Richard Blumenthal and U.S. Representative Mark Kirk (R.-Ill.) that call their military careers into question, I feel it is time to stand up with these brave men.

By “stand up,” I mean to tell my own story, which is so incredible that it can only prove their claims are no less preposterous. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Crackshot Commando

You wouldn’t think 9/11 is news …

… but despite the country song about Afghanistan Iraq Iran Yemen, some prominent Republicans have forgotten.

So, to help Dana Perino and now Rudy “9/11” Giuliani have a new story to react to, SeriouslyGuys is posting the following news announcement:

Terrorists attacked three important U.S. landmarks with hijacked commercial aircraft: the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and Pennsylvania grassland on September 11, 2001 under President George W. Bush and New York City Mayor, Rudolph Giuliani.

Shortly thereafter, anthrax was found in the mail, addressed to the Toms Daschle and Brokaw. This was also called by then-President Bush a terrorist attack.

And in December of that same year, Richard Reid tried to bomb American Airlines Flight 63 with his shoes. He was found guilty of eight counts of terrorism-related charges and declared himself an agent of al-Qaeda in 2003. Bush was reelected to the presidency in 2004 and served an additional four years.

So, try to remember this time. We would’ve used the “Too Soon?” tag, but–based on your memory–apparently it isn’t.

Screw the election, how is your country doing in the condom business?

Running out of ideas to get your country’s people to just man up and slap some rubber on? We here at SG support the global use of condoms for the following reasons:

A) Laid people are happy people, according to Rick Snee. However, Snee, due to religious affiliations cannot “officially” support the condom regime, but we love him anyways.

B) Condoms keep stupid people from breeding even more stupid people (in some cases). I mean could you imagine a world where George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice made some amendments in the oval office without security? Ouch!

C) Without them we wouldn’t have those awesome Trojan commercials.

Anyways, if your idea pole is running low on creative fluid, try these ideas to boost condom sales!

The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance

Here we are at the end of the campaign trail of the 2008 election, or as it is known in the Washington area, the kickoff for 2012. We all know where the candidates stand on the issues, heck, Al Gore emailed my work address this morning to tell me about how important elections are, which is probably caused by global warming. In just over 24 hours, it will all finally be over. No more calls, no more people knocking on your door, no more activists pathetically trying to get you to listen to them as you walk by listening to your iPod.

This is the end of the good times.

In my opinion, this election could not have come at a worse time. We as a nation were finally united and then this thing comes along and splits us all up again. For the past two or three years, we have reached across our own aisles to work together toward a common goal: hating George W. Bush. It took the hard work of a bumbling administration, war, natural disaster, the English language and the hard work of people like Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, but we got there. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Tomorrow is not the end of annoyance

Wall Street: the new Drunktown USA?

George W. Bush, the cunning wordsmith that he is, told a crowd at a recent GOP fundraiser, that Wall Street “got drunk” and “got a hangover.” Unconfirmed reports have Wall Street getting drunk while revisiting the classic George W. Bush drinking game.

There have yet to be any reports of Wall Street waking up with marker on it’s face for violating the shoes off before you pass out rule, or if it used protection on it’s bonds, but we’ll keep you posted.