If you’ve been hunting sharks in Georgia and leaving their corpses along rural roads as a warning to Land Sharks and species traitors alike, then we’d love to hear your story.
Until we can mail some medals to somebody, we’ll just assume that the War on Animals is becoming the cause du jour of a silent majority.
The 13th Annual Redneck Games just got a lot more intense. No, we’re talking about the Chew Spit-off, but the latest game to join in a series of ridiculous themed ones at the Redneck Games–this year’s first annual Pull the Arm Off the Kid.
No, really.
You see, all kids tend to do a little “wrasslin'” and “foolhardiness” every now and then. It’s not unusual for kids to be a little bruised up. After all, kids will be kids. It’s also not unusual for children to want to be down by the “swimming hole”, “crick” or “river” when it gets warm, especially in these rather recent warm days of the summer. What is unusual is to attempt to swing out of a tree on a rope. I mean, Tarzan’s been out of style, since, what, the early 70s? Nonetheless, the child miscalculated his decision and jumped out of the tree with the rope right around his arm, essentially tearing through said arm. As to be expected, no one was watching the children.
With this bit of news, I guess the games will finally be able to change their old slogan of “Come for the warm beer and incest, stay for the games.”
In our continuing coverage of the border dispute between Tennesse and Georgia, emotions are running high. Not only does Georgia want Tennessee’s water, but they also want to turn at least one Tennessee town dry.
Citizens of Copperhill, Tenn. share half of their city with McCaysville, Ga. The Tennesse half serves alcohol; the Georgia side hates America. If Georgia lawmakers get their way and move the Georgia border north one mile, Copperhill will become part of McCaysville’s dry county.
This latest development means the war is no longer about resources, but a way of life. It will surely come to violence now:
“Even 14-year-old Michelle Martinez, walking home from school in Copperhill, grimaced at the suggestion of suddenly living in another state.
“‘If I wanted to live in Georgia I’d [invade] down there,’ she said[, shaking her grandpappy’s rifle in the direction of those teetotalling so’s-and-so’s].”
Forget faith, sometimes a church can better filling empty seats promising to fill one’s tank rather than fill one’s soul.
A Georgia church is using a raffle for free fuel to bring in new members. For every service in a week (from Sunday to Wednesday) a person gets a raffle ticket for $500 worth of gas, which is roughly 20 gallons at current market prices. Being a southern church you might think it’s a Baptist church pulling a stunt like this, well let us tell you that you are just plain wro–oh wait, it is a Baptist church.
And the pastor’s name is Rusty. Yes, Reverend Rusty. We’re done snickering and we’re moving on.
SeriouslyGuys has received urgent news from the frontlines of a disputed border between Tennessee and Georgia.
In response to the Georgian legislature’s resolution to annex portions of Tennessee below the 35th parallel, Ron Littleford, the mayor of the contested city of Chatanooga is sending a single truck full of bottled water across the border with a counter-proclamation.
The enclosed proclamation rejects Georgia’s “land and water grab” and suggests “focusing on [more productive] conservation efforts.”
Could this water truck be carrying more than sarcasm and water into the Georgia heartland? It would be irresponsible of this blog to say so, but it does coincide with another event in history.
While last week we told you about the brewing civil war between Georgia and Tennessee, it seems they are not the only two states ready to fight brother against brother. Ohio and Kentucky are about to take up arms against one another–not over a land dispute for a resource vital to any state, but rather a big rock.
A rock sat at the bottom of the Ohio River for ages, only when the tide was low in centuries past would people climb on it and leave some kind of message. One man hauled it out of the river onto the Ohio side because it is an important part of the state’s history. As soon as Kentucky heard about it, the state got upset, because the rock was on the Kentucky side of the border.
The states’ houses of representatives have both passed resolutions about how important the rock is. No word as to whether U.N. peacekeepers will be asked to patrol the border.
It’s been one busy week for this Southern correspondent. On top of tornadoes, a sugar refinery explosion and Mike Huckabee delegates, Georgia lawmakers are instigating an expansion of their border into Tennessee.
Georgia’s legislature has proposed a resolution to “move the Tennessee-Georgia boundary about a mile to the north of where it now lies,” placing it exactly at the 35th parallel. The shift would give them access to the Nickajack Reservoir on the Tennessee River to help alleviate Georgia’s water woes.
Tennessee residents of the proposed Rhineland are opposed to the measure and have already drafted unofficial responses:
“One state senator offered to settle the issue with a football game. Another suggested floating an armada of University of Tennessee fans down the Tennessee River to defend the state’s territory.”
Could the 35th parallel become the equivalent of the 38th parallel between North and South Korea? We smell a new Ken Burns special! Stay tuned to this blog for updates as we cover, “South and South: Civil War II?”
