Aren’t jobs a kind of bribery?

Corruption is on the rise according to a survey by Transparency International.

The Berlin-based nonprofit organization based this partially on a finding that one quarter of 91,500 surveyed people paid a bribe to an institution or government-provided service. 90 percent of Liberians and 86 percent of Nigerians reported paying a bribe.

And the most corrupt countries–Somalia, Afghanistan, Burma, Iraq, Uzbekistan, Sudan and Turkmenistan–achieved their most corrupt nations’ status by attempting to bribe Transparency International for better rankings.

Boars, thrills in Germany

Slices of a boar that went buck-wild in a Hoehr-Grenzhausen butcher shop are up for sale. The boar pushed through the door of the shop, scared away a customer and inflicted 5000 Euros-worth of damage before having the bad form to bleed all over the floor.

As if that weren’t enough, Munich’s train station had a naked Australian infestation. The Sydney Streaker was foiled by a wet floor and slipped even though the stick figure on the caution sign was also not wearing any clothes. It just shows that you can’t dress up stupid.

They belong in a museum!

The ghost of Indiana Jones can rest a little easier: artwork that the Nazis supposedly destroyed for deviancy have been found. They attempted to get rid of it by storing it in a building and then burning the whole building down, with or without the assistance of allied bombs.

The sculptures survived down in the basement after the fire and were unearthed by recent construction work. Unfortunately, any works that were made of canvas or wood probably didn’t survive. But, the statues are mostly nudes, so we’ve got that going for us.

Eight arms, but only one life

Remember Paul the Octopus? He correctly predicted the outcome of all of Germany’s World Cup games this summer. He was beloved by many, and captured the soccer world’s heart for a few weeks. And now he’s dead.

Paul was found dead in his tank (or as they call them in Germany, “panzer”) yesterday. Dying of what appear to be natural causes. Let us not forget that Paul had enemies. He pissed off the Germans–usually a bad move–when he correctly predicted their loss to Spain, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he was a symbol of the evil West’s obsession with superstition, and well, there’s The Guys.

Yeah, we think it was Iran, too.

You know who also hated German mulitculturalism?

Is it just us, or does it get a little awkward when a German chancellor declares an end to multiculturalism?

Maybe it’s the accent? It just sounds familiar, like something from recent history ….

The blond hair and blue eyes are really making it somehow uncomfortable, like Indiana Jones should punch her out and steal her clothes for some reason.

Oh, well. It’ll come to us in the middle of the night or in the shower later.

What’s worse than commie porn?

As a class of young students at the vaguely Hitler-esque named Adolf Reichwein School learned: German commie porn!

Parents were stunned by pens donated by the German Communist Party that light up and project erotic images of women. And you know that if German parents are shocked, that these are some very disturbing erotic images, indeed!

Let’s see if he can predict the outcome of this

Remember Paul the psychic octopus? He correctly guessed all eight (Octopus. Eight. Get it?) of Germany’s games in the World Cup, as well as Spain’s win in the final round. (I checked with the experts, and it appears that wins and losses can actually happen in soccer.)

If there is one thing the Germans hate, it’s losing. And rather than blame the refs, the coaches or even the players, they have fixed their attention on Paul and want to grill him up to teach him a lesson. Citizens and newspapers alike are calling for his head-like thing.

These animal bastards are even messing with our sporting events!

An invasion in Europe

In Germany, there are many things you might expect to see, but an alligator is not one of them.

The people of Gross-Rohrheim, Germany were surprised to find they were being invaded by such a beast. We don’t know a whole lot, but we know that the alligator was an escapee from a small circus hosted in town, and that the predator was captured and apparently not killed.

The gator escaped justice.

Yet another team kept at bay by wildlife

Admittedly, we’re discussing the World Cup far more than we anticipated, because the football that we know and love is played with your hands, but just because America yawns at the tournament doesn’t mean that the animals don’t see the high-value target that is an international event such as this.

The Germans have not been able to go outside their hotel room except to go play or practice. They have been holed up for weeks now, but they are just now being allowed to go into town, where it is safe. Why can’t they just walk around the hotel grounds? Big friggin’ iguanas. That’s why.

“Normally nothing should happen walking there but if you go too close to the river then the iguanas, and they are quite big, can swing their tails and have been known to break several bones. Luckily nothing of that sort has happened yet,” said German team Manager Oliver Bierhoff, which sounds like a name you laughed at in middle school.