Tag: giant squid

[Insert Liam Neeson line here]

The War on Animals may have just gotten a bit bigger. Thanks to a team of human science spies, we now have proof of a legendary creature: el squidante gigante! (This may not actually be its true Latin name.)

Granted, we’ve seen larger versions of the beast before, as the one seen was a mere 10 feet, but it has the additional benefit of also being alive. Never before had we seen it moving upon its own volition.

This will hopefully lead to further knowledge of the beast. After all, if we can figure them out now, then we can theoretically stem the tide when the giant squid is inevitably sent after us in wave after wave after wave.

That’s gonna need a lot of Visine

We’re going to need a bigger gun.

Last week in Pompano Beach, Florida, a man was fulfilling one part of his dating profile and enjoying a long walk on the beach, when out of nowhere, he stumbled upon an eyeball. A big eyeball. A really big eyeball. And by really big, I mean a softball sized eyeball.

No one, not even science, can currently tell us the origins of said ocular organ, but it’s being studied by more scientists in St. Petersburg. Speculation is that it could be that of a tuna, a swordfish, a giant squid … or something else.

People, we can’t wait on science to figure out what this behemoth is as that could be too late. The only thing we can do is burn all of the ocean.