Antarctica, the Bizarro-world equivalent to our arctic circle, is getting out of hand. Not only does it refuse to submit to U.S. authority (and an Alaska II: Even Colder renaming), we have just learned that it is growing larger ocean animals to discourage an invasion.
“‘Gigantism is very common in Antarctic waters — we have collected huge worms, giant crustaceans and sea spiders the size of dinner plates,’ Australian scientist Martin Riddle, voyage leader on the research ship Aurora Australis, said on Tuesday.”
That’s right: Antarctica is violating our trust to build an unholy animal army. We have the chance to hit them now, before they threaten our very borders!
Our proposal is simple: control the growth of the icy continent as we have in the north, thin out the animal population and get those meddling scientists real jobs in the erectile pharmacology sector.