Tag: girls gone wild

Schadenfreude: Go wild

Losing your shirt that you bought by getting drunk girls to do the same? Mm, Schadenfreude.
Losing your shirt that you bought by getting drunk girls to do the same? Thank you, Schadenfreude.

When sleazes like Joe Francis are able to exploit inebriated college girls into a multimillion-dollar empire, you’re bound to wonder why you bother following any rules at all. Why even bother showing up to work when Joe’s up there right now, banging your daughter on his private jet?

Well, the Office Morale Team is here, and we’ve brought you a whole case of 5-hour Schadenfreude drinks*: Francis’ company that produces Girls Gone Wild filed for bankruptcy, and it was mostly due to his own douchetacular f–ckuppery. The company has been forced to pay $10.3 million dollars to cover his slander of and gambling debts to casino mogul Steve Wynn.

So, even after the U.S. government failed to Al Capone him in 2007 for tax evasion, it was the gambling industry that finally dispensed our mob justice.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.

*Warning! Consuming more than one 5-hour Schadenfreude drinks within a five hour timeframe can result in dizziness, nausea and diarrhea that you’re convinced does not stink.

SOS: Save Our Sex (films)!

OK, things were kind of bad before when the Big Three U.S. automakers almost shut down. Also, when our banks started to collapse, we got a little worried. To be honest, the idea of loans companies collapsing made us think of Fight Club, so we got distracted by … well, we’re not allowed talk about that.

But we are absolutely, pants-ruining (and not the good way … unless you’re into that) terrified now: the porn industry has asked for a bailout.

Pornographer Larry Flint (mad props, sir) and Douchebag Joe Francis have released a combined press statement that the industry is fine for now, but could go under at any moment in the current financial climate. This could be prevented by giving them $5 billion.

Imagine your life without porn:

  • Taking shorter lunch breaks at work.
  • Using your iPhone for phone calls.
  • Spending more time with your family instead of sending them off to Chuck E. Cheese without you.

Are you terrified now? Good!

Write your congressperson and make sure this necessary Stimulus Stimulus Package passes!

But just think of his ideas in marketing

Barely legal smut master Joe Francis has been ixnayed from the next version of Celebrity Apprentice because the sponsors don’t want him associating with classy and respectable citizens like Donald Trump. Which is totally and perfectly understandle. I mean, reality television is nothing if not classy, you know.

Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand

The earlier you start posing online, the sooner you will be worth millions naked!Hey, kidz! After seeing Miley Cyrus’ risqué photo-shoot, you may be asking yourself, “How do I get in on that action?” First of all, shame on you for talking like a bookie: you were raised better than that. Second, you can’t expect to make millions of dollars on your first foray into child pornography fame and fortune, you silly-billy.

You see, the economy (that’s a grown-up word for “managing more money than your dad makes”) is based on supply and demand. This basically means that if there’s a lot of something that’s given away for cheap or free, then it is worth little money. But if there’s only a little of something and everybody wants/needs it, then it is worth a crapload of money. Continue reading Kidz Korner: Economics of supply, demand