Your spiders and goats are no longer welcome on American Airlines

It’s not often that we take the time to praise airlines for doing something good. That’s usually because the only do things that make us pay more and make the whole process of flying even more stressful. Not today. American Airlines is cracking down on animals on flights.

For far too long we’ve let freeloading animals on flights because they’re “emotional support animals,” well, those days are over? Looking to bring your emotional support spider on board with you? Tough cookies. The same goes for your goats, ferrets and reptiles. Even if they’re emotional support animals, a long list of creatures will not be allowed on American Airlines flights, starting July 1.

It’s about time we started getting tough on those needing emotional support.

Donkey takes goats, sheep on the lamb in L.A.

Los Angeles has had a rough go of it lately. It’s had a drought, wild fires, mudslides and NCIS: Los Angeles. But things somehow got even worse for Angelenos when a pack of animals ran loose on the streets.

Authorities say a donkey led a herd of goats and sheep through the streets of an L.A. suburb late last week. The beasts refused to comply with lawful orders of police officers to go home. They even managed to evade the cops attempting to arrest them. Considering how friendly L.A. cops can be when arresting you, this shows quite a bit of defiance.

Eventually, police tracked down the owner of the animals, which it was found had escaped through an open gate. The owner helped herd the animals, which for some reason were not charged with a single crime.

Don’t get your goat

The Guys are all about pets. We enjoy having enemy slaves to do our bidding, then cleaning up their poop. But sometimes people make the wrong choice in pets.

They get something dangerous, that should not be kept as a pet, things like snakes, spiders and dogs. Now there is another one to add to that list: the miniature goat. Apparently mini goats are the newest pet fad. They answer to their names, do well in any back yard and supply milk.

What people forget is that the goat, mini or full size, is a dangerous creature. They will eat any junk they find. That includes your laundry, your furniture and your children. Do yourself a favor and don’t buy one of these things, it only encourages other buyers.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats’

The key question about The Men Who Stare at Goats is not whether it is true (it totally is though it allegedly is).

The key question is whether it will make you laugh.

No allegedly about it-it will. Oh, how it will. Click the jump to see why. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats’

The fight for mankind never takes a vacation

As some of you may have heard, I was out Friday and yesterday (yet the McBournie Minute was posted, weird!). But, we’re at war, and this war has no armistices or even ceases of fire (cease fires?). So let’s take a look at what’s going on on the front lines.

Russia’s getting antsy. They’ve been flying near our Navy’s ships, they’ve been killing political opponents, and they seem to like bears in general. Now, they are going ofter people trying to take out one of our greatest threats: the goat. Apparently, someone’s been flying around on a helicopter hunting a rare species of goat, most likely cranking Ride of the Valkyries. All they are trying to do is rid us of their threat and ensure our safety, but Russia wants the hunting stopped.

But the good news is that Canada gets us. More importantly, they’ve got our backs. PETA is after Canada about the annual seal hunt. They want to boycott the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Well, Canada said “F-you, eh!” to PETA last week when they voted to include seal skin in the uniforms of their athletes at the games. Get your hotel and plane reservations now, it’s time to go protester clubbing in Vancouver!

Animals, witchdoctors joining forces

There may be a crime problem in the U.S., but we really don’t have anything on the criminals of Nigeria, because they use trickery to outfox the local law enforcement–or at least they try.

A goat was arrested in Nigeria recently in connection with an attempted armed robbery. The police said the goat, was part of a gang that tried to steal a car. Wait, there’s more. Local vigilantes told police they were on patrol when they saw two people trying to steal a car, when they chased after the thugs, one used black magic to turn into a goat. We are glad to hear that animals are not escaping the long arm of the law in at least one country. To hell with libel laws, the goat clearly did it.

“‘We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,'” police said.

So far, the goat isn’t talking.