Snakes in a bag

The Easter holiday travel time might be over finally, but now we are left to clean up the mess left by attacks on our high holy holiday. Unlike humans, animals are soulless and do not believe in God. This is proven by their attempts to thwart Easter in the name of their ungodly cause.

A man outside of Washington, a current hotbed of animal activity, was attacked by a snake that got into his luggage somehow. The man, a rowing coach, had been in South Carolina and reached into his luggage after returning home. There he was bitten by a rattlesnake. Firefighters were the first to arrive on scene.

“‘We took the bag outside and used a [carbon dioxide] fire extinguisher to freeze the snake,’ killing it, Barksdale said.”

Truly, our country’s bravest.

Tony Blair: Educator of the obese

As if it weren’t hard enough to understand English accents, problems continue with the dialog of 2006’s The Queen. As we reported over a year ago, an airline version of the movie had some excessing bleeping when the word “god” was censored, regardless of the context.

But this time, there was no singing of “Bleep Save the Queen,” instead subtitles to an outdoor screening of the movie in Australia were written by someone who appeared to have the English comprehension of an Asian electronics manual. The drama ended up being more of a comedy after the subtitles stole the show.

“When a character spoke about Mr Blair being ‘educated at Fettes’, it appeared on screen as ‘educated the fattest’. ‘Did you vote?’ flashed up as ‘Dead in a boat?’. The observation that ‘every newspaper proprietor has blood on his hands today’ became ‘every newspaper proprietor has blown in his hands today’.

Yuck.

No word yet on whether the DVD box set will include these two alternate versions SG has discussed. Stay tuned to MasterChugs Theater for updates.