No pope for atheists!

If you thought the Pope was like the Dalai Lama where he loves everyone, think again! The Pope loves only two kinds of people: Catholics and Catholics that can keep a secret.

During his visit to the United Kingdom, Pope Benedict XVI gave a speech at Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh in which he warned the Queen about how “atheist extremism” leads to “a reductive vision of a person and his destiny” and, ultimately, Nazis.

Yes, the Pope Godwin’d his argument against atheism.

Atheists, of course, are outraged that the perceived voice of a God that does not exist would say such things about them. Oh well.

Down under round up

Remember the Sex Party of Australia? Yeah, we know, it’s been a very long time, but they’re back, and they’re back with a vengeance. They’ve now begun reporting that the Australian Classification Board has begun rounding up any material depicting women with less than substantially sized breasts in adult publications and film-for an immediate banning. Now, we’re not going to just automatically Godwin the ACB, but, well … we do enjoy snickering when the word “titzi” is spoken.

The reason for this discrimination of the A and A- crowd? The ACB feels that this is a way to prevent pedophilia, in a nutshell. To boil it down, they want to make sure people aren’t turned on and getting all sex-crazed over small breasts, and thus are making sure that all the young-looking women must have really large breasts.

Anyone but me see the basic flaw here?

But wait-there’s more! A burglar broke into the house of the Sciascia family and ran off with an iPod and Xbox. One problem: the legs of Papa Sciascia weren’t exactly up to snuff. The solution? 11 year old Rena grabbed dad’s crutch and gave chase. For 500 meters. The police later tracked down the alleged burglar. Rena’s iPod was lost, but her Xbox was found in a bush near the family’s home. The burglar was never named, for obvious reasons of not wanting to die of embarrassment.

Welche erstaunlichen Energien er hat

Recently, a German teenager was hit by a meteorite. Despite what you may think, the sky is not falling, though Michael Bay may have been passing through town that day; however, we’re not out of the clear, as there’re still a few things to take into consideration.

  • Best case scenario: The boy is now infused with powers and decides to help and aid humanity.
  • Bad case scenario: The boy is infused with powers. Unfortunately, being a teenager, he knows not of right from wrong, and as such, he crushes the planet beneath his boot-heel.
  • Worst case scenario: The boy is infused with powers … and is a Nazi. Not only does this article get Godwin’d, but he decides to crush all the unclean for the master race. We’re boned.
  • Worstest case scenario: The boy is infused with powers and becomes Meteor Man. As in, the Robert Townsend movie Meteor Man. We are all super-boned.