We know the new pan-handling hotspot

Hark! It’s time to stake your claim! Quick, to the ATM!

A Vegas ATM found at the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino will now be dispensing gold rather than straight-cash-homie from your account … if you have that large of an amount, that is.

“The GOLD to go” machine spits out 24-karat gold bars from 1 to 250 grams. And it can vend gold coins and bars with the Golden Nugget logo. The cost is constantly updated to reflect the ever-changing gold market. A computer inside the ATM keeps up with current prices.

The current cost at the ATM is more than $1,000 per ounce. Easily accessible for everyone. Surely. Oh, and to sweeten the deal, gold can’t be exchanged for chips at the hotel.

Having watched far too much CNN Headlines News over the past decade, I can only hope that the voice of the machine is an unemotional British woman. Or Pete Rose.