Twitter, it’s one of the most questionably popular sites on the Series of Tubes today. There are countless humans on there. The animals know this, that’s why they plan to have gorillas in Uganda tweet, thus endearing the ferocious beasts in our hearts.
Folks, we need to get twanimals off of Twitter. Tweeting is for humans only, save that “anyone can join, regardless of species” crap for Facebook.
We have more work ahead of us in our battle against the beasts. The western lowland gorilla seems to have a higher population in the Republic of Congo than we previously thought.
Researchers say that an estimated 125,000 gorillas are living in Congo, more than double the previous number of estimated gorillas living worldwide. Conservationists are calling this great news, but we here at the War on Animals know it is great news for us.
Sure, it may mean that we have more enemies to fight, but remember: the first step in elininating a threat is locating the enemy. Now that we know where they are, send in the poachers!
From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: The Spanish government is clearly out of its head these days. The Spanish Parliament is pondering a resolution that would give apes and gorillas basic legal rights. The resolution is expected to pass next year.
Yes, the rogue nation of Spain might be seeking to give our enemies the right to life, freedom from “arbitrary captivity” and freedom from torture. How are we going to get any information about of them if we can’t torture and imprison them? Not to mention, since when do we afford our enemies the same rights that we give ourselves? The Geneva Convention does not apply to non-humans.
Where is Francisco Franco when you need him?
The story also mentions that species traitor Matthew Hiasl Pan, a chimp from Austria, whom we have covered before that thinks it is human. The chimp’s lawyers have appealed to the European Court of Human Rights. Should the beast win the appeal, it would mean all of Europe would have to recognize basic human chimp rights. Next they would want to vote.
