Governor who excluded can’t tolerate exclusion

When you realize you can only get a part-time teaching gig at Liberty University or Arizona State.

A while back, we issued a warning that, while wealthy people like Donald Trump who don’t need to ever work can afford to be an assh*le, the rest of us cannot. That’s not to say that we should also have that right, just to remember that even a rich douche is still a douche, just one who will never face the consequences of what they say, do or feel. The rest of us don’t live in that world.

And, by “the rest of us,” we also mean former North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory, who’s allegedly having trouble finding consulting work after not only signing anti-trans bathroom law HB2, but still arguing for it after leaving office. And he’s surprised:

The former Republican governor says HB2 ‘has impacted me to this day, even after I left office. People are reluctant to hire me, because, “oh my gosh, he’s a bigot” – which is the last thing I am.’


‘That’s not the way our American system should operate – having people purged due to political thought.’

In other words: the dude who made a big deal out of what bathroom you use can’t understand what the big deal is.

Stupid hat advisory in North Carolina

Point is, you should probably stay indoors, Pharrell.
Point is, you should probably stay indoors, Pharrell.

There’s a political adage that, in every crisis, there is an opportunity. North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory has found a way to end the reign of fedoras as Hurricane Arthur approaches, instructing local morons that “this is no time to put your stupid hat on.”

And it makes sense.

For one, stupid hats are really impractical in high wind situations unless you pin them. And if you pin a stupid hat on in a hurricane, then you’re just begging god to rip off your stupid scalp and presumably the presumably stupid haircut under said hat. The waste management system could be clogged for weeks with excess water, downed trees and “ironic” trucker hats gumming up the works.

And, secondly, there are about to be a lot weathermen in stupid ponchos and cameras around for the next day or so. If the locals wear their stupid hats in all those stupid outdoor shots of wind, then we won’t know what stupid truly looks like anymore.