Tag: guns

You Missed It: Gilbert’s got a gun edition

Hello again, everyone, and welcome to 2010. I’ve been waiting here for you for quite some time. Now that I have thawed my keyboard out in this country-wide cold snap we’re having. I am now prepared to tell you what you missed this year, one week at a time. If you were busy announcing you would not run for re-election, odds are you missed it.

The NRA should take on the NBA
The Washington Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas was suspended by the NBA this week after showing a gun in his locker to a teammate. In what may have been his last game of the season, Arenas gathered the team (the Bullets) in a circle during warm-ups and shot them all with his fingers. NBA Commissioner David Stern did not enjoy the gun show.

The case in favor of sterilization
Tila Tequila, who became “famous” for her MySpace page, and then later for being an attention/ actual whore on reality television shows, might be pregnant, according to her Twitter. Should Tequila actually be pregnant, there is no word yet on how long it will take her to push the child out of her Twitter.

They’ve weaved stranger things into the plot
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address will not pre-empt the season premiere of Lost. He assured the legions of Lost fans that the speech will not happen on Feb. 2, the date the show is scheduled to return. In other news, this is really what our country finds important.

It’s like the plastic gun in ‘In the Line of Fire’

Most of us know that it is a bad idea to bring a firearm to work, unless we’re really mad at them and want to be taken seriously for once. As it turns out, it might be wise to leave a Lego gun at home, too. Oh, and don’t play Modern Warfare 2, either.

A Canadian man found that out the hard way. A “neighbour” whose apartment is near the man’s office saw the fake fun being waved around and heard gun shots, then called police. The SWAT team yelled at the man to come down the hallway with his hands behind his head.

“I was surrounded by about six SWAT guys armed with shotguns and assault rifles,” he said. “Once they confirmed I wasn’t packing any Lego heat, I walked backwards towards them, was then cuffed, pulled into the stairwell and thrown against the wall.”

It’s OK to say no

Hey girls, we need to have a little chat. The Guys know what it’s like to be a teenager, we know it’s tough, and we also know you want to do anything for the boys to like you. We were the same way once–well, you know what we mean.

But it’s important for you to know that you shouldn’t hide a gun for a boy even though he asked you to. You don’t always have to say yes, especially when it comes to firearms. So, in review, have some self-respect. Don’t hide guns for a dude–unless he’s really cute.

Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia

August 1, 2009 Meeting Minutes

Attendance: 3,171, of which 3,101 were new members as of November 5, 2008.

Icebreaker: Loudest gun mods and quietest homemade silencers contest

Pat Simmons won for loudest gun modification by adding a police siren and glass pack to his Browning Automatic Rifle.

He narrowly edged out second place, (his brother) Greg Simmons’ similar modification, by yelling, “USA!” very loudly while firing. Greg tried to yell, too, but he had already lost his voice at the Ted Nugget tribute show last night at the Flying-J.

Jerome Lyzon won for quietest homemade silencer by skewering a summer sausage with his .357 magnum. For the record, Lyzon added that there’s nothing gay to be taken from that and shut up, you’re queer. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

They can’t take our ammo, only we can

In the post 100-days of Barack Obama’s presidency, gun enthusiasts are suddenly finding it hard to find ammunition.

The cause of this de facto ammo ban? Other gun owners.

Because Obama is black and must, therefore, listen to Chris Rock, they’re buying up so much of the stuff that gun shop owners are reporting that they haven’t received new shipments on certain makes for four months, including .380 (little pocket guns) and .38 Special (Colbert’s Sweetness).

So, the gun issue may be finally resolved after all: when gun owners starve to death buying $4,000 limited edition cases of Desert Eagle rounds on EBay. (Then you may pry them out of our hands.)

Worst. Trade. EVER.

An idiot kid caused his middle school to be locked down this past week after bringing in a handgun. Not for stereotypical violent reasons, mind you. The boy had merely brought the firearm in to swap it for a PlayStation Portable. Clearly, the child isn’t exactly someone who’s readily aware of monetary value of items.

The boy nabbed the gun from his father’s collection, and brought it to Mason Middle School in Tacoma to trade with another kid. When I was his age, it was all about swapping POGs and the occasional basketball card. Okay, not so much POGS. No one liked those. I now have the delightful image of kids rifling through an armory like it was a deck of Pokémon Cards going, “Got, got, need, got, got, got need, need, got. I’ll swap yer .45 for my Winchester.”

The gun wasn’t loaded, but he did bring some ammo with him. The boy’s father also stated that a second gun had gone missing, and the school was locked down following rumors that it was floating around the campus somewhere. The boy himself is in juvenile detention.

Trying to trade a gun for a PSP? What a horrible deal.

Gunmen have keen sense of smell

Smokey, the Gun Safety BearWhen a friend of SeriouslyGuys, Bobby Finstock, wrote about taking this morning’s depressing news and feeding it through an internal spin doctor, we were surprised to discover just how grim all of today’s news really is.

We wake up much later than Bobby — whose early mornings indicate he may be a bad Mennonite for using the Internet — so we were surprised to find the news had not improved by the crack of 2:30 pm. Fortunately, we found a terrible story with a silver lining.

13 people, many recent immigrants, were killed in a shooting spree at the American Civic Association in Birmingham, New York on Friday. Horrible, right?

The first casualty, Secretary Shirley DeLuccia, survived her gut shot by playing dead.

So, if you’re ever confronted by a gunman in the wild, play dead. Gunmen only shoot live prey and will move on to their next meal, which can be found in the dumpster behind the ranger station. Also, never position yourself between a gunman and its cubs.

The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters

Welcome back from the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa break. I would like to tell you how much I missed you, but I’m afraid it might bring me to tears.

Speaking of things that make the entire world sad, the New England Patriots were bounced from the playoffs yesterday because the stupid New York Brett Favres couldn’t get points on the board. The Pats are the first NFL 11-5 team to miss the playoffs since 1985. Nevertheless, QB Matt Cassel did an amazing job of stepping in for the martyred Tom Brady. New England will miss him when he signs with Detroit Minnesota Tampa Bay next season.

Moving on, yet another thing that happened during the break, a guy allegedly shot another guy for talking during a movie. Oddly enough, it happened in Philadelphia.

You’re probably expecting me to go on some tirade about how Philly sucks and people shouldn’t have guns. Wrong. I say give people more guns. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We need more guns in movie theaters

Take it from Snee: Lightning Round 3 (Hard Thunder)

So we just got through an election and the first half of Thanksgristmas, and that means I had to listen to a lot of stupid. This is the third time we’ve gone through this, so I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.

And if you’re new here, welcome and try not to get your ass in my foot’s way. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lightning Round 3 (Hard Thunder)