College graduates, apply today!

Do you hate your job because of your coworkers? Then why not apply for a new job, a better job with lots of outdoor hours and where you can kill the people you work with?

Sri Lanka is looking for a well hung man new hangman after allowing one to retire — presumably to spend more time hanging out with his family — and promoting another one up to … firing squad captain? (Male applicants only, please. “Hangperson” just sounds stupid.)

And the best part? The country hasn’t executed a convict since 1976. But, don’t fire up that game of Minesweeper just yet: they’re looking to change that, with 480 potential clients already lined up. So, that’s good noose if you’ve been recently laid off.