For years, science has been threatening us with unleashing one of our long-vanquished foes, the woolly mammoth. And luckily for humanity, it hasn’t happened yet, but it’ll be a reality by 2019.
At a conference this week, the leader of a team of Harvard University researchers boasted that his people are just a couple years away from having a de-extinctified woolly mammoth. Much like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, the mammoth wouldn’t be 100% original parts, some of the genes would have to come from a similar creature. That creature in this case is an Asian elephant. So the thing that they make will actually be a hybrid.
We killed all the woolly mammoths thousands of years ago, and we’re pretty close to finishing off the elephant population. We need to step it up to ensure this abomination is never made.
So, let’s just get this out now: Harvard has multiple books that are bound in flesh. Here is what we know:
- This is not an April Fool’s Day joke.
- Sam Raimi has not attended Harvard University.
What we don’t know: if they have ever had an employee by the name of Professor Knowby.
Coffee is pretty awesome. It’s definitely not as awesome as booze, but it’s up there. And it goes great with water the morning of your hangover. Now it turns out that coffee just might keep you from killing yourself.
We already knew that coffee could keep you from dying of cancer, but now researchers at Harvard University found in a study that adults who drank two to four cups of caffeinated coffee per day were 50% less likely to commit suicide than their friends who don’t drink coffee (the preachy ones), drink fewer than two cups per day (the lightweights) or drank decaffeinated coffee (the quitters).
We already know that alcohol is good for us, but scientists aren’t convinced yet. Science loves studying booze, primarily because it gives them something to talk about at the bar (“Hey baby, did you know that the damage to your liver isn’t as bad as we thought it was?”), and it’s more fun than curing diseases.
Now, a study at Harvard University, lead by Dr. Kenneth Noisewater Mukamal will see if drinking once a day (by which they mean one drink a day) helps prevent heart disease. Subjects will be given Crystal Light lemonade with grain alcohol, which I had last night, while others will just get the lemonade. First one to heart disease wins.