Bad news for organ donorship

Registering as an organ donor is supposed to make you feel good about death, like that part of you gets to do some good to make up for all the terrible, horrible things you did in life. It’s kind of like a saving throw into heaven, and in The Guys’ case so long as that person grows up to cure AIDS or usher peace in the Middle East.

And then Dick Cheney announces that he’s in the market for your heart.

Look, Dick. You’re nearly 70. Five heart attacks later and you’re more machine now than man. And you’re screwing somebody out of paradise just because you wanted to torture some Muslims.

So, um, no.

Muslim Scholar: Terrorists can go to hell

It looks like not everything is booming (eh?) in the terror business.

Tahir ul-Qadri, a London-based Muslim scholar and founder of Minhaj-ul-Quran, has issued a fatwa–or religious ruling–against suicide bombers. Over 600 pages, he determined that killing people is bad, no matter the reason, and that you may not pass Go or collect 72 virgins, but go straight to hell.

However, don’t get so glum, Mopey Mutallah. If you’re angry and disenfranchised, you can still get into heaven the old fashioned way: being a judgmental, hypocritical prick.

Take it from Snee: The Rainbow Fridge

As a Facebook user, I see what I would normally consider bright and rational people reveal just how close we all are to succumbing to pyramid schemes and cults.

Instead of convincing our friends to buy and sell Amway products, we sell them out to marketing companies through Mafia and Farmville games. When that doesn’t work, we take quizzes and publish the results so we can all form our own Hogwarts band consisting of three Harrys, two Rons and one gender-confused Professor McGonagall.

But, there’s a sneakier, insidious cult forming on Facebook and the Internet at large: dead pet mission work. Continue reading Take it from Snee: The Rainbow Fridge

God and dogs don’t mix

You know who’s been quiet in the War on Animals? God. That’s who. Sure, he created the animals and gave us domain over them, but what does he think now that they are trying to overrun us?

We’re still waiting for the Big Guy to open up the heavens and root us on, but until then, we are convinced he’s on our side. Unfortunately, the species traitors think he’s on their side, too. One church in Austin, Texas (figures) is even inviting dogs, man’s alleged best friend, to worship with their owners.

We all know that keep a pet is perfectly acceptable. They are servants and let us learn about our enemy. But bringing them to church is wrong. Animals have no soul, have no concept of a higher being, and cannot get into heaven, no matter what the movies might say. Dogs attending our services just gives the false notion that we can work this war out.

It’s not that simple.

Take it from Snee: Let’s talk about death, baby

Between posts about drunken superheroes and Star Trek, I’ve allowed “Take it from Snee” to devolve into a frivolous, silly column. This is not good and must be remedied.

After all, it’s featured on a Web site called SeriouslyGuys — not Whimsically nor Fancy-Freeily, but Seriously. That is why I’ve decided to look at a very serious topic that deserves a straightforward, intellectual examination: what happens when we die.

It’s an important topic because, unless you’re one of the many bots trying to spam this site with porn, you are going to die. Worse yet, everyone who has died has refused to come back …. Well, there was this one guy, but we’re still arguing about what he saw.

So, I know you’re afraid of dying and the unknown, and that’s why you can take it from Snee that this is exactly what happens when you die. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Let’s talk about death, baby