Well, He did love the whores

Members of the Our Lady of Lourdes Church received a special visit from the Nassau County (N.Y.) Health Department. It appears that someone on the “manufacturing” end of the communion wafers turned out positive for hepatitis A. Health officials know who it is, but refuse to name any names.

Look, Nassau County. We’re not stupid. We know Whose body they’ve been eating.

But, fair enough. We’re satisifed so long as everyone’s vaccinated and somebody has a Father-Son-Holy Spirit talk.

Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology

Look, as a comedy writer, sometimes I say and do mean things. My particular brand of comedy leans anywhere from provocative to “let’s see if my penis fits in there.” And, you know what? Sometimes I have to step back and say I’ve gone too far, especially when it concerns people’s feelings.

I know you expect Take it from Snee (to try) to be funny. You want to see goofy pictures and read cannibalism jokes. I wish I could deliver that to you, but I just don’t feel funny right now. In fact, I feel like s#&t.

So, there’s only one thing I can do this week, and that’s to man up and apologize. Otherwise, I might never be able to look myself in the mirror, much less make light of my third nipple.

Here goes: I’m sorry I gave your son autism, Jenny McCarthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology

Less filling, tastes Hepatitisy

As The Guys are rarely invited out to A-list celebrity events and locales, the extravagant red carpet lifestyle is still a mystery to us–a mystery we really, really don’t want to solve.

While celebrities are not often known for dangerous, self-destructive behavior (especially involving booze), they apparently love hepatitis. What’s even more surprising is that a popular Cuban bar in the West Village of New York, the Socialista, is in trouble for supplying this novelty with every drink.

Like gourmet coffee, a hepatitis cocktail is served with the special ingredient encased in fecal matter that is excreted from a genuine New York bartender. Because it’s a subtle flavor, it mixes with any liquor. The appeal is that, coupled with hepatitis A, your liver receives a double-whammy of disease, unlike those petit bourgeois who settle for cirrhosis.