Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Bryan Schools is still learning what it’s like to go the rest of his life without sex, so I’m filling in for him this week. Here’s “Take These Sports from Snee and Eat Them.”

I’m not about to say that the entire sporting world is in trouble. But, certain teams and players could use a–ahem–boost:

That was the stands from last night’s Baltimore/Kansas City game at Camden Yard. Granted, it had rained all day and night, but even if you lived next door, would you bother to attend to watch the Orioles and the Royals? The title card alone sounds like it was pronounced by Foghorn Leghorn after a stroke.

They’re not alone. Detroit fans were already hesitant to spend money of Lions games, but now they’re abandoning the city and surrounding suburbs. How do you justify spending cash (we assume they still sell tickets) to a Kid Rock crowd?

You give them exactly why they watch Syfy and USA, and it’s not for Eureka or Psych; it’s for professional wrestling. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Take it from Snee: Let the bums into the Hall of Fame (A-Rod Edition)

Now that the press is soiling itself over Alex Rodriquez’s admission to using steroids (courageously made after his failed test results hit the press), I’ve been thinking more about a piece I wrote back in 2007 when the Mitchell Report was released.

Personally, I’ve always taken it with a grain of salt anytime someone waxes philosophically about the “Clean Days of Baseball.” The history of the sport’s more saccharine than a fundamentalist’s interpretation of the 1950s: everyone got along (in their segregated leagues), they were good sports (Chicago Black Sox) and substance-free (Dock Ellis).

Now that he’s “come clean,” I was wondering when the League would get involved. I mean, either they’re against doping or they are for it. A lack of consequences is clearly a silent vote for “Please break some more crusty old records and raise our ticket sales!”

True to fashion, Rodriguez practiced with his team, uneventfully. There’s been no talk of suspension, fines or even mandatory PSA from the Yankees or MLB. Meanwhile, Michael Phelps faced criminal charges for a f#%king photograph and fortunately avoided arrest by not admitting that the pipe contained marijuana.

So, let me restate for the record: let the bums into the Hall of Fame. If professional athletes want to use steroids, HGH and whatever else sucks nads to grow muscles, go ahead. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Let the bums into the Hall of Fame (A-Rod Edition)

Eat My Sports: No free passes

This past weekend was a relatively quieest one. I wait tables on Saturdays, so I went into work a bit early, and went through my Saturday routine of eating my breakfast while watching SportsCenter. First few minutes, nothing big. There were a few basketball highlights that I could’ve cared less about, the same Michael Phelps’ photo re-played about half a dozen times. Then the bottom line came up with breaking news, Alex Rodriguez, the heir apparent to restore legitimacy to baseball’s hallowed records, had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

The gut reaction was joy. I went through all the signs I could make when I go to see the Sox and Yankees at Fenway in April. “A-Roid” was my favorite, “Material Roid” and “Like A Syringe, Hitting for the Very First Time” were another couple of my timely classics. I high fived some friends and texted my fellow Sox fans, but then the truth settled in, if Rodriguez was guilty, then everyone was guilty. Continue reading Eat My Sports: No free passes