Take it from Snee: There can be only one (but not necessarily Ryan Reynolds)

Salutations, Hollywood executive! You may be wondering why I’m writing you this open letter, and why my headshot is actually a full-body nude. I’ll answer your second question first: I have a lot of these lying around, mostly labeled “return to sender” with a restraining order enclosed

As to your first question: congratulations on your upcoming remake of the 1986 cinematic classic, Highlander. The original, as I’m sure you’re aware, was not well-received by critics, but was a rousing cult hit that spawned a lot of crappy sequels and reintroduced America to one Thomas Sean Connery. In other words, I believe you will enjoy reasonably tremendous success, so long as more women attend than those dragged by their boyfriends with ponytails to the theater.

I see you had just this demographic in mind when you announced your casting of Ryan Reynolds as this century’s Connor MacLeod (of the Clan MacLeod). While I think you have the right idea, I’d like you to take a step back — but within view of the monitor that your intern is assumedly holding up for you right now — and bear with me when I say: there are actors who aren’t Ryan Reynolds. Some of them may even live in your neck of the woods. (Perhaps balancing a frappucino and your monitor?) Continue reading Take it from Snee: There can be only one (but not necessarily Ryan Reynolds)

Newest Highlander found in Sweden

Everyone thinks of Sweden in positive terms: IKEA, Swedish bikini teams, Malin Åkerman, etc. There’s now another aspect to add to that list: immortality.

A 45 year old man was apparently trapped in his car for two months. Why list him as a potential immortal? The upper limit on living without food is about one month. Now, there’s the possibility that his body went into a stasis of sort, putting himself into a self-imposed hibernation state, especially considering the temperature in the area had plummeted to 22 degrees below zero. But that’s a silly and farfetched idea. The most logical theory is that he’s a Highlander.

Considering I’m just a little under half his age, that must mean I’m nearly double the highlander he is. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a Scottish man badly pretending to be Spanish to find.

Hide your pinkies!

In what can only be characterized as yet again, life imitating art, and thus, numerous direct to video movies, Japan’s top yakuza boss, Kenichi Shinoda, was released from prison after having served a sentence for illegal possession of a firearm. We’d comment on how that seems like a weak thing to be put in the hoose-gow over, but we’re a-scared of ninjas. It doesn’t help that Shinoda is the head of the Yamaguchi-gumi, the nation’s largest yakuza organization, with around 35,000 members.

In 2009, a huge police crackdown lead to the disruption of the gang’s activities, but not before Shinoda greatly expanded the Yamaguchi-gumi’s influence by making deals with other gangs. And while Shinoda may be a gang leader, you kind of have to be in awe of a guy who previously went to jail for killing a “rival” with a samurai sword. That’s pretty bad-ass, even if it’s Highlander-ish in origin.

Shinoda is now heading home to Kobe, though I’m sure the arms of the Yamaguchi-gumi are warmly awaiting him. We gladly think that “Boss Shinoda” is an awesome name please don’t kill us.

Take it from Snee: Why the world needs the Whimlander

Today’s “Take it from Snee” is a joint-effort with our little sister publication, Radford University’s Whim Internet Magazine. To fill in SG readers who don’t know the Whimlander, he’s an undead Scottish warrior who was resurrected from the days of William Wallace to protect Whim from all enemies, foreign and domestic. Since I spent a few weeks with the Whimlander back in 2007 to play him in Whimlander: The Movie, I wrote this article as part of Whimlander Awareness Week.

My personal/professional history with the Whimlander is long and storied, as evidenced by my previous articles on him: “I spent the night with the Whimlander” and “Why the world doesn’t need the Whimlander.” If you didn’t read those other articles, don’t bother looking for them. (Like I said, long and storied.)

The point is that I was wrong when I said the world doesn’t need the Whimlander. The current state of the world—and the check from the Whimlander Awareness Program—has convinced me that the Whimlander provides a service to not only Whim Internet Magazine, but the entire world that no mere Superman or Highlander could ever aspire to.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Why the world needs the Whimlander